qa = 7 2) s de | a ae Shas meno i= LL. cS i — i mas sail “Sill ab = fe B * SP oer ay, Fe ; ; = & i = No trick. A truly lasting bloom that’s incredibly natural. Because it starts creamy, yet actually changes to a sheer powder on you. To stay remarkably real. I your best colors, of course. The Clarion Computer makes it easy. Finds your unique radiance. After all, we’re not trying to help you look kind of nice. We want you gorgeous. — @ Zz a Co w = — 1 = > 2 Ww fo) = co uw Jacket by Nator MAYBE SHE’S EQVAN@s) aaa ime BORN WHITH IT. Bay VoNg:3 5 er te, inne” ne eel ing B roduc See how she’s loving every inch of her fine self in this swimsuit? You can emulate her, though she is but a cartoon. Certainly Albert Einstein was no dim bulb. You may be just as much -. the brain and not Ps even know it. FeaTures Yow’re Smarter Than You Think You may not be a scholastic whiz, but you could still be a genius. 54 Get That Friendship Back It is possible to resuscitate a comatose budship—but are you sure you wanna? 64 The Only Zoo I Ever Liked Mary Kaye gets eaten alive in the Central American jungle, so to speak. 66 Fiction: Almost Friends A poignant story of unrequited love—and who cannot relate? 70 ceLesBriTies One To Watch Christian Bale—such a fetching accent and incipient manhood. 42 I’ve Found The Perfect Boy! So he’s fictional and a hybrid, he’s still a fox. 47 FaSHIOn Everything In This Story Is Light Blue Clothes in the unstressed mode and color of early summer. 48 There’s A Bathing Suit For Everyone You will look so fine in one of these you will want to kiss your own butt. 68 summer 0’ BeauTY exTraVvaGanZa Mr. Sun Can Be Scary - How to protect your precious hide from ominous rays and gaping ozone holes. 56 Foundation Is Your Friend Your skin can look flawless, glowy and oil-free even if it’s not—quel concept. 58 Save The Endangered Foot Give that hardworking, soon-to-be-sandal-wearing appendage the fetishistic attention it deserves. 62 Feet, feet, we appreci-eet. They are so sweet. They keep you fleet. We could go on, but we won’t. SASSY (ISBN 0-9588405-3-9) is published monthly by Sassy Publishers, Inc., 230 Park Avenue, NY, NY 10169. Address all editorial and advertising mail to SASSY, 230 Park Avenue, NY, NY 10169. Manuscripts, photos, illustrations and other material submitted must be accompanied by a stamped, self-addressed envelope. SASSY cannot be responsible for unsolicited material. Subscriptions in U.S. and possessions: One year, $14.97. One year, Canada: $21.97, which includes postage, handling and GST; all other countries, one year: $24.97. All prices in US. currency. Single copy: $2.00. Single copy, Canada: $2.50. For subscriptions and address changes write: SASSY, PO Box 57503, Boulder, CO 80322-7503, or call toll-free, |-800-274-2622. Second-class postage paid at NY, NY and at additional mailing offices. USPS No. 002-542. Copyright ©1992 by Sassy Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction without permission is strictly prohibited. SASSY is a trademark of Sassy Publishers, Inc. Postmaster: Send change of address notices to SASSY, PO Box 57503, Boulder, CO 80322-7503. Printed in the United States. Vol. 5, No. 3 ISSN 089-999-53. Oooh, foundation. Your face’s friend. Let us smear some on. regulars Diary 8 Say What 14 Body Talk Hostility makes you sick, a female condom (what?), still more allergy relief and more. 16 About Face Gifted tea bags, eyeshadow for spazzes, ode to hair conditioner and more. 29 Zits And Stuff Freckle love, lip piercing, zit cause ’n’ effect and more. 22 Put It On What would you wear if you were MC Lyte? 24 Worn Out The beautiful Spike photographically and sartorially illuminates Austin, TX. 26 Help Gas relief, peaceful sleep, manic depression fears and more. 28 What He Said If you inherited a fortune, would you give any of it to charity? 30 So you gonna look at the cover credits on page 21 or what? Pop Quiz How body-conscious are you? 32 it Happened To Me | was ripped off by a modeling agency. 34 Read It Dates from hell, a yuck-filled 70s spoof and a very long book Christina will review in two parts. 36 Listen Up Spinal Tap, Nick Cave, Buckwheat Zydeco and more. 38 Watch It Thunderheart (Val Kilmer!), Night on Earth (Winona)), The Waterdance (Eric Stoltz!). 40 What Now 44 Where It’s At 73 Stuff You Wrote 80 Reader Issue! Reader Issue! Dare to be us again! Get over here! Yes, we’ll be doing another all-reader-produced issue, and we want you running it. | Signs 82 Eat This Pasta-bonding/paean to spring with Noél and Mrs. Claro. 84 Ruffly and blue—a good look, don’t you think? Rapper MC Lyte, so full of sass, picks you outa seriously fierce wardrobe. SURPRISE AND SHINE: A hint of color. Now in super-new, shimmery shades ot shine. Cover Girl LipSlicks® The surprise of shimmery new colors. Plus super, light- catching shine. All wrapped up in a — moist, lip-luscious formula. To keep your lips feeling their super-best. Color your lips hip with shimmer and shine. You'll glow all the way. © 1992 Procter & Gamble. hy, ww it’ll send little shakes down your spine little earthquakes TOP i AMOS Her voice will set you reeling. Her piano and lyrics will shake your soul. This is the first solo album from an extremely talented artist. Features the first single “Silent All These Years,” “China” and “Crucify.” “Invigorating and consoling. Tori Amos has nothing to declare but her own genius.” -MELODY MAKER ic bt ATLANTIC On Atlantic...Cassettes and Compact Discs. Management: Arthur Spivak/Spivak Entertainment © 1992 ATLANTIC RECORDING CORPORATION DIary Introducing QU MUTUS I just got off the phone with Mom. She called to tell me that our friend Mike has AIDS. There are so many ,— horrifying, infuriating 2 things about this story, but here goes one: Mike’s a big-deal oph- thalmologist at a major university in North Carolina, and when he ~~ told his supervisor that he ™ has AIDS, the guy promised to give Mike confidentiality so that he and his wife and their two little kids wouldn’t get harassed by intolerant types. But a couple of days later, the whole thing was in the local papers and on the 6:00 news—the university had leaked the story without telling Mike. The school also told Mike he couldn’t practice surgery there anymore. After their phone start- ed ringing off the hook, Mike and .... his family got in the car and drove | a few states away until things died down. | Back to Mom. When I asked her how Mike had gotten AIDS, she wouldn’t say, because even MK’s mom though I’m her daughter, she’d forgotten to ask Mike if it was okay to tell me—plus it doesn’t matter anyway. Mom/s the only person I know who can keep a secret and never ever lies, not even about the littlest things. Mom/s also always been a marcher-collector-protester. She sent protest letters to the university, then wrote to the papers that had run the pieces on Mike, saying that they should have used this case to show peo- ple (again) how anyone can get AIDS and to talk about the real ways AIDS can and can’t be transmitted, instead of sensationalizing the story and adding to people’s already out-of-whack fears of, and discrimination against, AIDS vic- tims. She’s so right, as always, and so cool for telling ‘em. Speaking of cool moms, I want to tell you that when Mary Kaye hired her mom as Sassy’s new editorial assistant, everyone wondered whether it would be really weird. Like, would we say, “Can you make some Xeroxes, Ms. Schilling?” “Mary?” “Mom?” But it’s not weird, basically ‘cause she couldn’t be sassier—and, yeah, we all cuddling her # did end up calling her “Mom.” Never mind the benefits for MKums. “She lets me be cranky without mak- ing me feel guilty about it,” says MK, ids “and gives me a hug Fwhen I need one. wg Okay, so she also “> sometimes bugs me to ‘Y eat better lunches. But otherwise she’s not like a mom.’’ And I know what Mary Kaye means, since neli- ther is mine. Which goes along with why MK and I are like twins in some very basic ways. It’s all stuff we learned from our mothers—to be tolerant and open-minded and kind and to fight for what we believe in. And while MK and Mom have gotten closer through working together (“Although I’m still sure she loves my brother more,’’ goofs MK), me and Mom have through Mike. So happy Mother’s Day to our moms and your moms and our other resident greatest mom, Anne B. And take care, gm. you hear? Love, y PS. My mom wants any of you who are old enough to vote anc haven't registered yet to do so. what you do! So go ahead, put it fo the test. Marathon looks just put on, ‘til you take it oft. MARATHON MASCARA COVER GIRL Renée Jeffus is PMD OF THE HEART, OF THE SOUL AND OF THE CROSS: THE UTOPIAN EXPERIENCE Featurrng REALITY USED TO BE A FRIENDUOF MINE PAPER DOLL and SET ADRIET ON MEMORY BLISS The home video, | “Of the Heart, Of The Soul and Of The Cross” PM.DAWN © en 2 ; aa OB ican includes their videos, interview footage and =e a previously unavailable bonus video, seg 29 Comatose. GEESTREET & Gee Street ™. Licensed to Island Records, Inc. ae © 1992 Island Records, Inc: © 1992 Polygram Records, Inc. Sam Goody (Tole) >) aici o) ass ISLAND Syassy EDITOR-IN-CHIEF JANE PRATT EDITOR MARY KAYE SCHILLING ART DIRECTOR Noél Claro MANAGING EDITOR Anne Vaccaro Brady FASHION/BEAUTY CREATIVE DIRECTOR Mary Clarke Fashion & Beauty FASHION EDITOR Jacinta Dobson FASHION/BEAUTY ASSOCIATE EDITOR Andrea Lee Linett MARKET EDITOR Janet MacDonald Art & Production ASSOCIATE ART DIRECTOR Tracy McLaughlin ASSISTANT ART DIRECTOR Julie Sebranek EDITORIAL PRODUCTION MANAGER Clarence E. Miles STAFF PHOTOGRAPHER Dora Hande! Editing —— SENIOR EDITOR/TEA CLUB PRESIDENT Mike Flaherty COPY EDITOR Mary Ann Marsha! ASSISTANT EDITOR Andrea Lynne Todd SENIOR WRITER/TEA CLUB MEMBER Christina Kelly STAFF WRITERS Kim France, Marjorie [ngall ROVING WRITER Mark Lewman STAFF MOM/TEA CLUB MEMBER Mary Taylor Schilling ASSISTANT TO THE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Anne Nicholson WASHINGTON BUREAU CHIEF Erin Smith Snterans Atoosa Behnegar, Cheryl J. Kramer, Michele Promaulayko, Nina Rich, Miranda Schwartz, Becca Wilson PUBLISHER LINDA COHEN NEW YORK MANAGER Ellen Antoville PACKAGED GOODS MANAGER Susan Gable FASHION MANAGER Jeffrey Greif ACCOUNT EXECUTIVES Jill Edelstein, Mike Fish, Nancy Levine, Laura Finelli (Classified) ADVERTISING COORDINATOR Joanne Riley SALES ASSISTANTS Risa Miller, Cynthia Schuster INTERN Ruth G. Bashinsky MAIN OFFICE 230 Park Ave., New York, NY 10169 Phone: 212-551-9500 ‘a Fax: 212-599-4597 WEST COAST OFFICE WEST COAST ADVERTISING MANAGER Jill Epstein 5900 Wilshire Blvd. Ste. 2460, Los Angeles, CA 90036 Phone: 213-937-0452 Fax: 213-938-8359 MIDWEST OFFICE MIDWEST ADVERTISING MANAGER Sandy Haworth 401 N. Michigan Ave., Ste. 860, Chicago, IL 60611 Phone: 312-321-1400 Fax: 312-321-1856 oe MARKETING SERVICES DIRECTOR Andrea Megar Gingold PROMOTION DIRECTOR Robin Levine Sigman PROMOTION COORDINATOR Ariane Linnéa Maclean PROMOTION ART DIRECTOR Jan Borowicz CIRCULATION MANAGER Suzanne Pappas PLANNING DIRECTOR Mary Ramsey * VICE PRESIDENT OF MANUFACTURING Rosemary P. Sullivan PRODUCTION DIRECTOR Connie Pinkowski PRODUCTION MANAGER Danielle Pavone PUBLIC RELATIONS MANAGER Genevieve R. Nelson GENERAL MANAGER Eileen Hoffman ASSISTANT BUSINESS MANAGER Elisa Gordon DIRECTOR OF CORPORATE SALES Ellen Abramowitz DIRECTOR OF MIS Bernadette Rhodes GROUP PUBLISHER AND EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT PAT MASTANDREA SASSY PUBLISHERS, INC. COMPLEXION PERFECTION: Look tresh. Look flawless all day. Without shine. Fresh, flawless skin. Zea Make that look yours with _ The finish is sott. elicately matte. Frem a’ good-to-your-skin Noxzema® mula in \ Beautitully. fall you'll see is a pertect look that’s all yours, all day. Also available in matching powder. OIL CONTROL COVER GIRL Lauren Lindberg PN geaNG Cover Girl Oil Control Make-up. © 1992 Procter & Gamble. what would you do? 1dmakeit COOL CTO Stay in School emily mashman, australia tell us what you'd do. write to esprit, p.o. box 77903, san francisco, ca 94107. for information on how to stay in school, write the National Committee for Citizens in Education, 900 2nd street, NE, suite 8, washington, dc 20002-3557. ESTATE OLE RE COL REALONE SAL IOB SVP REI ATALAES NAIL PROBLEM: Nail color chips? NO PROBLEM. Sally Hansen No Chip Acrylic Top Coat seals on nail color and shine while protecting | manicures from — chipping and peeling. THE*1 NAME IN NAILS For nail care tips, call 1-800-35-NAILS SaY WHalT WHAT WITCHES BELIEVE Dear Christina: |’m sorry, but those witches really suckered you [“Witchcraft Is a Religion,” March]. They are liars. | am a true Bible-believing Christian, and witches are true Satan worshipers. They only lie so they can get other people to join them and become hooked on Satan. They are merely occultist, demon-possessed women. That is my true opinion, but | will keep reading Sassy anyway. Laura, Frackville, PA “Witches are occultist, demon-possessed women.” Dear Laura: Witchcraft is NOT Satanism or black magic—witches do not even believe that Satan exists; in their religion there are no evil deities. Any magic they do is for the good of all. That was the entire point of my article. Christina Dear Christina: Thank you for your excellent article on witchcraft. I’ve been a witch from the age of seven, and | always tried to keep it a secret in school. When people found out, | had to endure vandal- ism to my locker and lots of verbal abuse. Hopefully your article will help people understand that this is a serious religion driven underground by prejudice and igno- rance. Janice, San Francisco, CA LEW'S LONG-LOST BRO? Dear Jane: Finally we get a good look at Lew, only to realize that he’s the spitting image of Victoria’s brother, Nick! To prove it we’re sending this photo of Nick in Lew’s “Eat This” [Jan.] pose. Were we lying? They could be brothers. Would as print a picture of * ” Lew’s dad? We’re a little suspicious. Julia & Victoria, | Picking, ON, Canada DON’T DEFINE ART FOR US Dear Christina: ! - As | was reading “What Now” [March], | got really upset when you said that Kim went to an art exhibit of used, saved tampons and then that “we need to get back to a more strict definition of what is rt.” Even though that exhibit doesn't sound especially appealing to me, don’t you realize that art is one of the last things that people still have their own choice in defin- ing? What are you going to suggest we do next? Burn books we don’t like? Ilene, Pittsburgh, PA SPIKE LEE’S DATING TIPS Dear Anne B: | was irked when | read “Begging for a Chance” [“Help,” March]. You said that since a white guy wouldn't date a black girl he was racist. | am a white female, and while two of my closest male friends are black, we all agree that we would never date. | love my friends and respect their heritage, but | (and Malcolm X and Spike Lee) don’t believe in interracial relationships. Because | (and the guy in “Help”) choose not to doesn’t make me a racist. Drew, Nashville, TN Dear Drew: | called the white dude a racist because he said going out with her (a black girl) would ruin his reputation. | think that’s clearly a racist remark. Anne B. EUSTACHIAN TUBE POLICE Dear Sassy Staff: In your “Listen Up” ratings you have under five stars: “Made the ear wax dance in my eustachian tube.” For your information there is no ear wax in your eustachian tube, which leads from your throat to the inner ear to equalize pressure. Could Be Any Reader— We Lost the Envelope READER-ENDORSED SEXISM Dear Christina and Mary Ann: Your interview with Soundgarden [“Dinosaurs, Soundgarden and Other Prehistoric Creatures,’ March] was pretty well done, considering the way Kim Thayil (nardo) acts. But what we really wanted were some larger snapshots of Matt and Chris. Preferably shirtless). Amanda, West Bend, WI A WORLD OF 90210 LOVE Dear What a Bunch of Losers: |’m very insulted by your article on 90210 [“What a Bunch of Thespians,” March]. | don’t tune in because of their looks, but because of the topics they cover. No show has even tried to talk about AIDS, date rape or gun control. I’ve watched the show many times and have cried at the end. lve cried with joy when | found out that Brenda wasn’t pregnant. | cried with pity when the “nerd” died by a gunshot. All this had nothing to do with sex appeal. Denise, Wichita, KS You guys are such cards, such fonts of insight. Send further wisdom to May Say What, Sassy, 230 Park Ave., New York, NY 10169. 666 SA|poogey ©) ‘paepnjoul jou souossesoy ust handles everything oodles. It Cab PALESTINE REET: PELE AT REAL ALAS AL AE LIAS LAL IA ADL SS IDO RIAD BODY TALK wun You've probably been hearing a lot of hoopla about the new condoms for women, which should be on the market right about now (at press time they were still awaiting FDA approval). One of their cooler aspects: Condoms for women make for even safer sex by protecting your entire genital area, not just inside (as male condoms do). Seven inches long and made of polyurethane, the new condom is inserted like a diaphragm, with an inner ring fitting behind the pubic bone and another ring that rests outside the body (don’t worry—it sounds more confusing than it is). And like male con- doms, these are also intended to be used only once—which makes their price (four times that of the male variety) something of a drag. Ever wonder why that putting-your- hand-in-front-of-your-mouth-and exhaling-to-see-if-you-have-bad- breath trick doesn't work? It’s ‘cause gross breath is formed slowly over sev- eral hours, during which time your nose becomes desensitized to the odor. Forty-eight percent of all peo- ple with asthma are allergic to roaches—that’s 10 to [5 million Americans in all. Since allergy-triggered asthma attacks can be deadly (and roaches we hate hostility * roaches too! Hostility is more than just an undesirable personality trait; it can really mess up your health—specifically your nervous, immune and endocrine systems. One rea- son is that hostile folk are more likely to deal with their anger self-destructively— like by smoking, overeating, abusing drugs or engaging in unsafe sex. And later in life, too much anger will lead to heart attacks. But don’t get discouraged: This ugly cycle of hostility can be broken. In one study, a bunch of stressed types adopted a vegetarian diet, learned how to meditate, kicked the caffeine habit, attended group discussions and ultimately became happier people. So if you feel you spend more time being hostile than not—like if you’re getting confrontational even when there’s no reason for it—or if you find you have no control over your anger, get help fast. Find someone sympathetic (a therapist or counselor) you can spill your guts to on a regular basis. Try to eat more healthfully, since lots of caf- feine and sugar can trigger mood swings. And maybe check out a yoga class. Salmon is a fatty fish (three ounces of it has as much fat as a glazed donut), but the fat is the good polyunsaturated kind that fights cholesterol. 16 may sassy are just about everywhere), it pays to know your enemy. For a free pamphlet on how to live with asthma and roach-proof your home, send a SASE to COMBAT Asthma and Allergy Brochure, PO Box 6066, Grand Central Station, New York, NY 10163. Sounds silly, but try blow-drying your vaginal area after showering if you suffer from recurring yeast infections (use the warm or cool setting, girls). It actually prevents the growth of yeast, which needs moisture to survive. f ILLUSTRATION: DAVID RICCERI EXTRA THANKS TO INTERN EXTRAORDINAIRE MIRANDA SCHWARTZ. WHO CHFFRFULIV HEEDEN were + ino - bag just big enough to patch the rip. Apply one coat of ws ; ra —_ clear polish and immediately cover with the tea bag. ae y : ke Add another coat of clear. It’s barely noticeable, ke A ; “f im ¢ f but you can disguise it further with colored polish. a <> fi Very clever, O Tia of Mililani, HI. ; ———— —_ | iv \Z ae ES — (bar — So this new deodorant called — = 7s SS > Puf Skin Things That Do Things PS LP sy anise. ICKY GAS EXPLAINED I’ve never been allergic to any- thing, but lately when I eat pizza and ice cream (my two favorite foods) | seem to get gas and stomach cramps. What’s the problem? Anonymous Are you having the same symptoms when you eat other dairy products? If you are, then see your doctor to find out whether you have a lactose intolerance (meaning you can’t digest dairy products) or gluten enteropathy (meaning you can’t digest gluten, a substance found in grain-based products like pizza crust but is also in ice cream). Or, it could be that you've devel- oped allergies to a certain food or foods, especially if you eat them on a regular basis. An unbalanced diet composed mostly of pizza and ice cream will most definitely screw up your digestive system, and deplete your body of some nutrients that are essen- tial during this time one by one; begin with your toes and work upward. Or turn on quiet music. But skip that last hour of TV since it stimulates you in a very sneaky way. If that helps the toss- ing, then try for some Z’s on your side. Pleasant dreams. MANIC-DEPRESSIVE OR WHAT? ’'m having a really tough year at school. Sometimes I have fits, like temper tantrums. I cry—no, | sob. | bite pillows and siam myself and have fits over little things. But some people think of me as the happiest person. Please don’t tell me I’m weird or immature. Don’t laugh at me either. Just let me know—am I a manic- depressive? Anonymous ’'m not laughing, and | don’t think you’re weird or immature. And no, it doesn’t in your life. So “Why do | have temper tantrums?” come on, vary that diet with some veggies and fruit and pasta and even meat. You'll feel a lot better. TOSSIN’, TURNIN’ ’N’ SNORIN’ I snore and move around a lot when I sleep. I fall off bunk beds all the time and injure my friends when they sleep over. What can I do? Anonymous Stay off bunk beds, in the first place. Then pay a quick visit to your doctor to be sure that the snoring isn’t caused by a nasal obstruction, enlarged adenoids or another medical problem. A simple solution might be sleeping on your side as opposed to your back. But since you’re tossing and turning also, that may not be doable. So let’s deal with the restlessness. First off, don’t eat right before you hop into bed, €¢ F snore. J Whats uwieng » Id with me? and especially avoid caffeine and dairy products, which can affect your dreams (and therefore sleep patterns). Also, skip exercise before you hit the sack, because you won’t be truly relaxed. And don’t ignore stress: Lying in bed worrying about your history exam or why your best friend was talking to your boyfriend isn’t going to give you a peaceful snooze. Instead, take deep breaths and relax your body parts sound like you’re a manic-depressive. Your problem is that you don’t know how to express your anger. If so many people think you’re happy, then you must be sup- pressing your real feelings. Could be that your parents have always encouraged you not to get upset over stuff that you had a right to be angry about. So you’ve never learned how to deal, until it gets so bad that you can’t take it anymore and explode. But tantrums don’t make you feel any better, because then you get mad at yourself for having them. It’s a vicious cycle. You need to see a counselor who can help you develop healthy ways to express your emotions. Check with your school or family doctor for a referral and think about asking your parents to join too so you can all learn to become com- fortable with sharing your real feelings. You need to know that people will still like you even if you’re angry or are having a bad day. SUGAR AND YOUR PERIOD I heard that if you eat lots of sweets during your period, it lasts longer. Is this true? Just wondering Nah. Instead of worrying, send a letter to Anne B., Help, Sassy, 230 Park Ave., New York, NY 10169. Thanks again to Dr. Sylvia Hacker, associate professor of human sexu- ality at the University of Michigan, and Dr. Kathleen Perron. . ee 2 eerie: sree What happens when the famous Buf « Puf™ facial sponge gets together with your own soap or cleanser? Pow! A fabulous deep-down clean. With this important extra: Those dulling dead cells that are hiding bright silky skin get buffed away. Give it four days. You'll show up with a brand- new complexion. Buf-Puf Skin Things That Do Things WHAT HE SalID syencrce: if you had a fortune, would ® you give any of it to charity? I'm a little skeptical when it comes to charities, and | was wondering if anyone else might think twice before giving mucho bucks to one — these guys, for example. Turns out they'd give, give, give, but certainly not to just anyone. TED David, 20, is from West Virginny and studies economics at the University of Tennessee in Knoxville but currently two-steps his nights away in Texas, where he’s interning at Dow Chemical. If he had money to give, he says he’d be careful to give it to some kind of national self-help pro- gram. A brother to five sisters, David says he enjoyed and appreciated their nurturing and real- izes the need for it— ergo his support of the general charity concept. “l’d probably fund a scholarship, but not one | based on grades. l’d 1 want my money to go to someone who's trying to get ahead but keeps running into obstacles.” Ted, also 20, wants to go to law school and become a politician, so he borrowed a newborn baby for his picture... just kid- ding. Actually, he’s holding his two- hour-old niece, Gabrielle, which explains the cigar in his mouth. Ted took some time off from studies at UC Davis to trav- America with some friends in a jeep. He says this experience shaped his response to my question: “I’m sure some do a lot of good, but I’d rather give money to a homeless family or something. That way | see where it’s going and that it’s needed. | mean, you hear stuff about food for starving nations rotting in ship- yards, and money never getting where it’s supposed to go, and you start to wonder. | also think it’s impor- tant to give time and service, not just bucks, to peo- ple in need.” Fred, 17, is a junior at Kennewick High in Washington State, tinkers with com- puters and has a girlfriend named Stefanie who sent his picture in. | quote from her letter: “Isn’t he cute, despite the nose?” And this is the woman Fred said he’d give almost half of a suddenly acquired fortune to —“say, a million or two.” (Stef, who happened to be there when | called, kept shouting out that she wanted all of it.) “Actually,” he whispered, ‘I'd probably give about half to some charity.” Blake, 21, is a senior at Williams College, studies art history and wants to be an architect maybe. He’s into Robert Venturi’s ironic architecture (“Columns that don’t hold anything up, for example.”) and Bad Brains, a band that has influenced Fishbone. His mom is a social —<- worker for the Philadel- Ea . phia Children’s Network =e al (a center for abused and bisa. =m neglected children), and he’d ———— give money to those folks right Ey _ away—he knows how badly they need it. But, he adds: “For people who haven’t had a lot of money, who suddenly get a lot, it represents == the solution to all life’s problems. So they Lf J donate huge sums, without realizing that 2 NK ES | : ee oii % y a a a . nes el through Central social reform isn’t bought.” ie Bobby Bonilla’s press people picked this question, so if you liked it you have the NY Mets to thank. The already legendary 29-year-old hitter, who just signed a five-year, $29 million contract with the Mets, puts his money where his mouth is. He’s pledged $500 for every run he drives in this season to the public schools he attended while growing up in the Bronx. Last year he averaged ‘ 102 runs, so do the math. “1 felt a need to give to the kids. | faced the \ same challenges they face. No one gives you anything in life. But if you \ \ ' \ work hard, you’d be surprised at what can fall in your lap.” Margie had no more foxy young cousins to put on this page, so she bequeathed it to Andrea T., whose keen eye for male beauty will serve you well. Send specimens, with phone #s, to Andrea T., What He Said, Sassy, 230 Park Ave., New York, NY 10169. -_ -_ or menstrual al i one Advil®is as effective as two regular aspirin. Yet Advil pain, is gentler to your stomach. And doctors recommend Advil for menstrual cramps more than any Gree non-— prescription pain reliever. Use only as directed. ADVANCED MEDICINE FOR PAIN: QUIZ wyiin | c. Only on the absolute lowest of self- esteem days. 3 You have this friend who’s on yy se the heavy side. She invites you to a party where cute boys will - be hanging. You: a. Say you can’t go. (No guy will go near you if you’re with a fat girl.) b. Say you’d be delighted. c. Say you'll go, but make a point of a te VO ll mingling a lot once you get there. bd 4 What’s the worst thing about be your body? 9 hate Huy butt. bs a. | could never narrow it down p Lp p to just one thing. Muy . b. | wouldn’t mind slimmer hips, My breasts? Eh. IJ but mine make me kind of curvy and voluptuous, so who cares? Pound familiar? c. What kind of wack question is that? Let’s talk about what | love Well, quat about my body! Rou much of 5 As far as yow’re concerned, the most important reason OF body cutie to exercise is (be honest): 7 a. To stay healthy. ane YOU 3 b. To get as skinny as possible. 6 Have you ever considered | Yow’re shopping liposuction or breast implants? with a friend and a. Absolutely, positively not, not, NOT. try on a body- b. Sure, but I’d never actually go through hugging purple with something that could hurt my body. dress. You: c. Of course. Attaining perfection is what a. Make your friend come modern science is for, right? into the dressing room to see if your stomach 7 You weigh yourself: looks too fat. a. Every single solitary morning. b. Prance right on out and b. Once or twice a week—just to make ask, “Is this a good color sure | weigh what | think | weigh. for me?” c. When | visit the doctor for a checkup. c. Assume you look gargantuan and take the 8 What do you think of diets? dress off before anyone can a. | must love ’em, ’cause I’m always see you in it. on one! b. They’re good for people who are 2 Do you mentally overweight, but that’s about it. - €ompete with other c. They’re not for me. If | think I’m girls, thinking, Well, gaining weight, | just try to eat a bit less “ Pm skinnier than A, and exercise more. but B’s thighs are firmer and C’s gota _ 9 How often do you find smaller waist...? yourself mentally dissing a. Most every moment. people who are overweight, b. Never—you can’t maybe stereotyping them as compare bodies like that. lazy and out of control? We're all built differently, a. | try to fight this kind of stereotyping, and that’s what’s so cool but sometimes | find myself thinking about us. that way anyway. 32 may SaSssyY seenerttertarnenernatintaas- b. Never! c. Well, it is their fault that they’re so huge. to As bathing suit season approaches, your usual reaction is to: a. Crash-diet and purchase a swimsuit that doesn’t fit me now but will after | lose 20 or so pounds. b. Dread the actual swimsuit-purchasing episode, but manage to find one | actually think | look all right in. c. Think, Wheee! Time to go frolic in the surf! 9 love my bady leh! &O 62 6.2.0 b.1c2 222 D.U CI 742 6160 Z3-a2 bO cI! 8.a2 b0c.| 4.a2 b.!1 «0 9.a]1 bOc2 5.a0 b.2 10.a.2 b.1 c.0 9 hate 20-11 We know; it’s hard. Everywhere you turn are images of undernourished folk prancing around in next to nothing. And while others can brush these images off as just one alternative in a vast pool of body types, you assume you're a mutant because you don’t measure up. Worse, you harshly judge others who don’t conform. Here’s our attitude: The most attractive, healthy people we know are the ones who just look like they’re comfortable with them- selves, regardless of how much they weigh or how big their hips, thighs and breasts are. 10=6 You fight the good fight for a decent body image and aren’t a slave to diets—admirable. And like most chicks, on a good day you know you’re a pretty foxy mama. But there are other times when self-destructive second- guessing leads to “my-body-should-be- better” nit-picking. What a huge waste of energy! Besides, it simply isn’t true. 5=0 Gee whiz, how amazingly body-tolerant you are! And you’re just as wondrously pleased with everyone else’s shapes and sizes too. We just hope you can maintain this most positive attitude of yours and spread it around to friends in need of a better mind-set. NEXT MONTH: A POTPOURRI OF USE= _ LESS TRIVIA. ORR REE CUNEO CREE SEARO LT RERRI RIE RERUERT SKe_REIPONR SREEEMIELD Lees em ee MANUFACTURER'S COUPON {EXPIRES 11/30/92 duc RETAILER: ALBERTO-CULVER _will reimburse you for face value __ of coupon plus 8¢ if submitted in compliance with our Coupon Redemption Policy, available upon ee request. Cash Value 1/100¢. Mail to ALBERTO-CULVER, CMS Dept. 22400, One Fawcett Drive, Del Rio, TX 78840. Limit one coupon per purchase. Offer not F good on trial sizes. F Coupon expires 11/30/92. 22400 2059 I 22400120055! IIl 7 __ © 1992 Alberto-Culver USA, Inc. IE feo a ENS ae IT HaPPeneD TO me “Td always dicamt of becoming a Hi | but when I tried to turn this dzeam into a reality, I was taken in by a SCAM that emptied my bank account and made me feel like a FOOI.” Julie, 19 ’m very tall, and I'd always gotten a lot of compli- ments on my looks. My friends told me that | should consider modeling, so | took a modeling class at my high school and worked in a couple of local fashion shows. | loved the feeling of being up on the runway, the center of attention, and | dreamt about doing it for a living. Only trouble was, | dreaded the thought of going to a modeling agency and being rejected. Then one day | saw an ad in the paper for an agency in New York City that was holding open calls. It said: “Models wanted. No experience nec- essary. Hiring all types.” | decided to finally make my move and set up an appointment with them. | was so excited that | could hardly wait for the day to arrive. The night before my interview, | careful- ly chose the outfit | would wear—I wanted to look hip, but casual and confident. The next morn- ing | spent three hours getting ready. My mom took the day off and came with me to the agency’s office. Young, attractive people buzzed in and out, and the walls of the reception room were plastered with pages torn from maga- zines—featuring, | assumed, models from the agency. While | filled out the questionnaire I'd been given, the receptionist called out to someone in an office behind her, “Is Lauren coming in today?” The answer came booming from an open door: “No. We sent her out to shoot a jeans commercial.” Later someone called and she said, very loudly: “Oh, you hired him for the job? At $500 per hour? That’s great!” After about 15 minutes the receptionist showed me to a cramped, cluttered office. The man sitting behind the desk introduced himself as Steve and beamed at me as he rose to shake my hand. He looked at my questionnaire, then told me to stand up and turn around. | was dizzy with excitement as | followed his instructions. This was the moment I'd been waiting for. | could hardly believe what happened next. Steve congratulated me and said: “| think you’re perfect for this agency. If you only had a portfolio, | could send you out on a job today.” | just sat 34 may SaSSY there, totally speechless. I’d read about girls who later became famous cover models walking into agencies and being hired on the spot, but | never imagined it could happen to me. Steve leaned over his intercom and asked for a woman named Carol to be sent in. “Carol, this is Julie. She’s 5'10",” he gushed. “Well, Julie, | think you'll be a great addition to our agency,” Carol said. “All we need to do is get you some pictures.” | could already feel the money in my pocket and see myself in the pages of Glamour or Vogue. Carol continued: “The cost to hire one of our photographers is $800, but we pay $300 of that. You pay for makeup, film, developing and studio time, which comes to a total of $500.” | had a part-time job and had saved $600 for college, but | felt that the money would be well spent on starting my modeling career, so | said I’d go for it. Carol gave me a list of five photographers and told me to make an appointment with one. “Just tell them you’re with us and they'll only charge you $500. Once you get your pictures back, get in touch with Steve.” | was happy enough to explode. My mom, on the other hand, thought | should check out a few other agencies before | got into this any further. She was a little skeptical about my spending all of my money on these pictures, but eventually she gave in to my enthusiasm. | enjoyed the photo session, but it ended too quickly. For my $500, | got a 20- minute makeup job that | could have done myself, an hour and a half in front of the camera and four boxes of color slides. Once | got prints made up, | returned to the agency, confident of having already been accepted. But my reception this time was a lot different. | was kept waiting for an hour and a half, then finally got to see Steve again. What a rude awakening that was. His whole attitude had changed. He never even made eye contact with me and gave me only one-word answers. He also acted as though he didn’t have the slightest recollection of me. Then he flipped—and | mean flipped—through my book, slammed it shut and handed it back to me. “These are okay,” he remarked, “but we're interested in hiring blonds right now.” (My hair is black.) “Maybe if you dye your hair and contact another one of our photographers...” His words felt like a blow to my stomach. That’s when | knew I’d been had. Suddenly the whole scam, which I’d been too naive to notice before, became glaringly apparent: the newspaper ad (which I'd never seen for real agencies like Ford or Click), the recep- tionist’s theatrics, the ease with which | had first been accepted. | bitterly realized that, rather than risking their money on me, these creeps were in cahoots with the photographers and had turned a quick profit. | felt like such an idiot that, not want- ing to cause a scene, | left the office without saying a word. After I'd had time to think, | wished | had ranted and raved and torn all the pictures of models—who obviously had nothing to do with the agency—from the walls. Preying on a person’s dreams is a dirty trick, but not all of my anger is directed at the agency. | wouldn't be honest if | didn’t take part of the blame for what hap- pened. My advice to those of you who aspire to a modeling career is, don’t get involved with any place that wants you to put out a lot of money. I’ve since learned that it’s not unusual to be asked to pay for film and processing, but that shouldn't cost more than $150—tops. Any agency that’s really interested in you won't make you put out more than that. And keep a sense of perspective: They butter you up with a lot of flattery and play on the fact that you want this so bad. After some of my anger had worn off, | sent pictures from that photo session to Ford and was told that they were not interested. By then | had already begun to focus my energy on other things and decided that my nonexistent modeling career had reached its end. | took my favorite portfolio shot and had it framed to hang in my bedroom. | keep it there to remind myself that things aren’t always as they appear, no matter how much | would like to think they are. Anything ever happen to you? Well, write something about it and send it and your phone number to Mike, It Happened to Me, Sassy, 230 Park Ave., New York, NY 10169. We’ll pay you $300 if we print it. 1! *. 4 ifs ei wil | ve Sy hal W aelinnt: RS CALA AR My ‘ ant yh Weigh win al \ WN GANA ANG AAAEAN reaD IT by Katherine Ann Samon (PLUME) * 34% Let me begin by sharing one of my own traumatic tales of dating woe. It was our first date, and not only did the guy bring a friend along, he proceeded to walk with the friend to the restaurant, leaving me to fol- low a few paces behind. | chalked that rude- ness up to nerves and quirks and gave him the benefit of the doubt. Until we got to dinner: He ate with his mouth open, and it wasn’t just a case of see-food, but see- spray. Pretty gruesome, huh? But it wouldn’t have made even the first cut for this book. Dates from Hell includes stories about: a woman who loses her way in a date’s home looking for the bathroom (he lives in a mansion) and gets caught peeing in a sink; a guy who is actually roach-infested (“Does that bother you?” he asks his date, — flicking one off his shoulder); and a man who shouts over dinner: “You’re bored! No one’s ever been bored with me before. No dessert for you!” Hilarious stuff, and a must-read survival guide for those who venture forth into the wasteland that is Dating, where bad date is definitely a rela- tive term. Andrea T. by Jim Ryan (HARMONY) %*%** % Just when | thought | was fed up with ’70s retrospection, along comes Hoboken, NJ's own Jim Ryan with a cartoon epic offering me yet another chance to harken back to / Sa && | Vee = gu Life ina Dumb Decade = this much-maligned era. The ’70s existed in that netherworld between flower power and punk, hippies and yuppies, casual drug use and “Just say no.” It was also an attempt to actually put into practice the aspirations of the ’60s—a time when envi- ronmentalism and feminism first made a mark, when young people and the media were appropriately skeptical of government and authority, when we even had the nerve to elect a Democratic president. Pity that all the while people walked around wearing elephant flares, Earth Shoes and flowery polyester shirts, and emulated the likes of Farrah Fawcett and John Travolta. While Life in a Dumb Decade emphasizes the absurd and the pathetic to comic effect, it also shows how difficult it is to parody the '70s: Reality was so ridiculous then, how can you goof on it? Mike by Joyce Maynard (DUTTON) *% Joyce Maynard made a name for herself in the 60s as a voice-of-her-generation type. She had a book published by the time she e)4 o]5)) * WHO'S WEARING THE TAMPON? was 22, hung with _ inhabit her book. Interesting story, yes, but __ rich family.) At the time Mayan is telling us }.D. Salinger and | was taught that a writer must possess all this, she is 28 years old. She has been did cool, heavily some understanding of/compassion for her sail to love any man who has loved her, opinionated Sassy- characters, no matter = — but obsesses on the ones who esque stories for how hateful their oF - _____ don’t. She has had an eating dis- stuffy magazines. But actions might be. Guess _ ™ ___ order. She is socially inept. She this book—which | nobody ever told Joyce . = ___ is unable to live in the present wanted to like, | real- that. Kim “and enjoy life in the slightest. ly did—was one “S She becomes obsessed with rung above loath- THE LOST FATHER | finding dear old Dad, who hap- remise was interesting, inspired By Mona Simpson | Sees ~=pens to be Egyptian, and hires recent real-life murder case in (KNOPF) re | 3 detectives to help her. After young wife allegedly talked her This book is 505 very cee a = 250 pages I’m, like, we get the -age boyfriend into offing her dense pages long, and | ee e. picture! Your father left you and The story’s recounted in oral his- am still only halfway : q a it screwed you up! Let’s bring “™m. with all the characters taking through, sol am going mmoNA SIMP SON this book to a close! Either find ‘g the tale. Problem is, it’s painful- to review the first half ApEgEnonecriare the man or get on with your s that Maynard found herself much — this month and the second half next month. __ life! See you next month. Christina Auther of WHER - and more interesting than them; The Lost Father is about a girl named Mayan «e | couldn't read five pages with- whose father abandoned her when she was ome subtle illustration to point up — three, leaving her to be raised by a crazy s~2 ow and downright dumb these mother who drags her from one empty 2re. And not only is it patronizing in one-room apartment to another in her des- < reads inauthentic—like Maynard _ peration to catch a new husband who will * ewen had a conversation with the support them. (When Mayan’s a small child, «mg-class and uneducated types who wonderful Mom even tries to sell her to a NOBODY, THEY'RE WEARING THE “NO-SHOW” MAXI. INTRODUCING ALWAYS ULTRA PLUS SLENDER. fit even the teeniest bikini panties. NV iTaomnurelemeetimusecloleicetielemeelc sides. And a unique Dri-Weave topsheet that pulls moisture into the ultra-absorbent core... keeping the surface cleaner and drier.” So how good can new Always Ultra "a co oe Nobody knows when you’re wearing a tampon. Same with new Always? Ultra Plus Slender . the ultra-thin maxi we made specially for teens. Oh sure, there are other ultra-thin maxis. But they can be uncomfortable, because most are cut Plus Slender really be? wide where you're narrow. New Always Just wear it. And youmay “== Ultra Plus Slender is cut narrow to never want to wear a tampon. Creat for Teens! mae we Next to another ultra- thm max, Always Ultra Plus Slender is narrower. ‘OVI -CLEANER. DRIER. BETTER. “Diez ws. other leading maxis. . ~~ 7 © P&G 1992 SPINAL TAP Break Like the Wind (McA) Pseudo band Spinal Tap’s first album came out in 1984 and was intended to make fun of real heavy metal bands that pretend to be “true artists” but are actually just in it for the moolah and the bimbos. Their con- cert film, This Is Spinal Tap, was loved the world over by music fans like myself who were sick of how fake and corporate (read: Rolling Stone) rock had gotten. With Break Like the Wind, the Tap is back in rare form. Listening to the album provides the same experience as almost any headbanging band—only with Spinal Tap, you are supposed to laugh out loud. Their over- the-top guitar riffs and drums make them ’70s arena | rock dead ringers (Foreigner and Styx come to mind), and one song, “Just Begin Again,” got me so freaked out | had to call their publicist to make sure the singer wasn’t Cher. But the big question is: Why BRAND FAVORITE NEVER The Tap Returns LiIsTen uP are there so many real bands out there that sound exactly like this spoof? Mary Ann BUCKWHEAT ZYDECO On Track (IsLAND) Some records just make you want to bounce goofily up and down with joy—l Walkman-ed this to work for a week and was dancing at Don’t Walk signs. Zydeco is the way lively dance music of Louisiana’s French-speaking Creoles, and Buckwheat’s probably its most popular practitioner. The cuts on this album are incredibly varied—“Won't You Let Me Go” fs resembles a traditional blues song, but with a funky, pounding bass rhythm underneath; “Cry to Me” is more soul-like; “Midnight Special,” a song | thought should never be recorded again, is handled like a spiritual, with a = gospel chorus; and | got a good grin out of “Cooking with Pierre,” about a guy from France who came to visit, “kicked off his shoes, rolled up his pants, got down in the mud and learned how to dance,” then made gumbo and etouffee with Buckwheat. Yum for everything on here. Margie > THEY MIGHT BE GIANTS ARE MUSICAL e| . AMBASSADORS FOR INTERNATIONAL SPACE YEAR. i JULIANA HATFIELD Hey Babe (MAMMOTH) | was trying to put my finger on why ex- Blake Babies vocalist a Juliana Hatfield is so much cooler than most female singer- songwriters. Yes, | love her unconven- tional little girl sopra- no, which is not that intimidatingly perfect and makes you be- lieve that you too can be a singer. Her — melodies are really Wakilana Juliana pretty too. But | think it’s her ironic lyrics that give her that elusive hip credibility. And on this, her first solo record, they’re better than ever. You’ve gotta love “Ugly,” in which she sings poignantly about one of those days when a girl is just not feeling her best. There are also lots of songs about unrequited love (like “Everybody Loves Me’), which are so convincing they must be autobiographical. Overall, the record is not much of a departure from the Blake Babies’ alternative pop sound, but that’s just fine with me. Very lovely work. Christina NICK CAVE & THE BAD SEEDS Henry’s Dream (ELEKTRA) | raved about this guy’s last album, The Good Son, in these pages about a year and a half ago, and after listening to this one | serious- ly considered just duplicating that review word for word, changing only the album and song titles (and hoping Mary Kaye wouldn’t notice). It’s not like this record sounds repetitive; it’s more like it could have been coupled with that one in a dou- ble album set. This one rocks a bit more, but there’s still Nick, like some sort of sar- donic postpunk preacher man on a bizarre road trip from the Old South to the Old West, spinning his chilling-yet-beautiful tales—the would-be soundtrack to any number of William Faulkner novels and/or spaghetti westerns. You gotta wonder, though: Why the hell is this Aussie so obsessed with the American frontier? Mike Made the ear wax dance in my external auditory canal Better even than Garth Brooks Won’t make you puke Future landfill fodder I’d rather work for Clarence Thomas gy “. ©1992 ELEKTRA ENTERTAINMENT, A DIVISION OF tlekita WARNER COMMUNICATIONS iNC. A TIME WARNER COMPANY. se » < 0 uw : L 3 ul : 5 4g Written by the guy who wrote River’s Edge, The Waterdance is one of the best things I’ve seen in a while. Eric Stoltz plays a young novelist named Joel who gets paralyzed in a hiking accident. At first he takes his plight very well, commenting that at least he can ee Se pit ee. * + nd 7 A ay re, ea a Mb, £3 ” a, fs : 4 e {a aa 3 ¢ ="% bs 5 i? J NRT Chariots of Fire II? No, it’s Eric Stoltz (center) and friends in The Waterdance. still write. But soon he starts to realize how different his life will be. Each day Joel is visit- ed in the hospital by his married girlfriend, Anna (played by Helen Hunt), who’s trying to decide whether she should leave her husband for him. “I love you both,” she says to Joel. Meanwhile, he starts to resent her because she can walk, and begins to adjust WaTCH IT his expectations for their relationship. A movie about a paraplegic adulterer that takes place almost entirely in one room could have been really depressing, but instead it was strangely positive. And it had another message too: Wheelchair or not, Eric Stoltz is a babe. Christina 4 4 Basically this film consists of just half the erotic, sad, sprawling novel it was taken from, The Mambo Kings Play Songs of Love. Two Cuban brothers come to America, become a minor musical sensation and go on | Love Lucy. One bro (Antonio Banderas) is quiet, unassuming, still mourning his lost love in Cuba; the other (Armand Assante) is a loud, womanizing, ambitious party guy. Antonio is blissfully foxy—liquid-eyed and pouty-mouthed—oh my God. And the Cuban music that permeates the movie is incredible; it’s great that a wide audience is finally gonna appreciate it. Mambo Kings stresses the American Dream/success part of the story more than the ambitious brother’s sad decline, and other liberties were taken with the book’s plot that made me cranky. However, you got your hot DISTORTION = SOCIAL DISTORTION JOURNEYS TO REALITY'S EDGE. “SOMEWHERE BETWEEN HEAVEN AND HELL," THE UNCOMPROMISING FOLLOW-UP TO THEIR SELF-TITLED DEBUT EPIC ALBUM. FEATURING "BAD LUCK,” "COLD FEELINGS," "BORN TO LOSE," music, dancing and sex here, plus amazin; sets and costumes. Add a tub of popcorr and voila, a very satisfying evening. (Promise me you'll read the book, though.) Margie Hag This girl-coming-of-age flick wrenches < Judy Blume character from comfy suburbi: and dumps her in arid New Mexico, in < trailer park, in a single-parent home. Mon (Brooke Adams) is a waitress in a truck. stop diner who’s barely getting by. Trudi her older daughter, dresses and acts the part of the dime-store hussy, fending of cautious gestures of tenderness and affec. tion with a bad attitude, a bad mouth, a bac temper and some very bad, gravity-defyins shoes. Shade, the younger, Doc-Martens:. and-big-lumpy-coat-wearing daughter, tries to build a family for the three of them arranging blind dates for Mom, then actually locating Dad, who’s been MIA for years. You don’t wanna miss lone Skye’s flooze performance as Trudi. She looks so realisti- cally tacky, you'll almost forgive her for get- ting to play John Cusack’s girlfriend in Say Anything. (Her geologist boyfriend in this flick ain’t chopped liver either.) But the SOMEWHERE HEAVEN “WHEN SHE BEGINS," AND “SOMETIMES I DO." ON TOUR NOW. For Fan Club Information write to: AND HEI Social Distortion 11684 Ventura Blvd. Suite 772 Studio City, CA. 91604 celle Produced and Mixed by Dave Jerden. Management: Jim Guerinot/Larry Weintraub for Rebel Waltz Management. : Ni a\. "Epic" Reg. U.S. Pat. & Tm. Off. Marca Registrada./ = is a trademark of Sony Music Entertainment Inc./© 1992 Sony Music Entertainment Inc. tee muxst mmoressive performance is by Fairuza the timorous Shade—one — = ial mes to YVYatch in this movie, inci- teermaillw. See it and then read Don’t Look and ort Surt. by Richard Peck, the book the titty = Desed on: it leaves Are You There, God? m tre dust. Andrea T. THUNDERHEART ** © gmother movie made mediocre by a pmfwsiimg. predictable, at times even exawet sermpt Hollywood, hello! Anybody there’ Amybody watching these movies metinre tyew re released? If so, how did this \ e=eno-Surming-meets-Lethal-Weapon- ces-with-Wolves-at-Wounded-Knee zs get by without at least one = edit? The story—a great one teserwinge of better treatment—is based of = "ez incident at South Dakota’s Pine eservation in the ’70s, when a war broke out between Native immercan progressives, who wanted to *4 2% ai sts. who wanted to go back to the vs. in the movie the FBI is brought ». supposedly to help make peace, but —— -~nlw their motives are more subversive. Hana ae ee Nea lone, Fairuza and Brooke of Gas Food Lodging: Pass the Miracle Whip. Val Kilmer (so tasty as Jim Morrison in The Doors) does what he can with the two- dimensional part of Ray Levoi, the part- Sioux FBI agent who starts out denying his Indian roots, then—oh, I’m sure you can guess what happens. Sam Shepard delivers one of his patented “Hey, | had nothing better to do” performances as Ray’s hard- nosed FBI boss. And gentle-faced Graham Greene (of Dances with Wolves) saves the mess from utter snoozedom as the dry- witted tribal cop who wakes Ray up to his heritage. The last shot of the film—possi- bly the most heavy-handed use of symbol- ism ever—ends up being symbolic of the whole movie: uninspired, obvious, leaden. Feh. Mary Kaye NIGHT ON EARTH ** Jim Jarmusch’s new movie, Night on Earth (he also directed Mystery Train, which | liked), is made up of five separate stories ¥ Gia ee ee oe een that take place on one night in five differ- ent cabs in five distant cities around the world. The first segment, about a “from the street” cabby girl in Los Angeles, stars Winona Ryder in an overwrought, under- whelming performance that left me cring- ing. The second segment, about a broken- English-spouting New York City hack who picks up a character reminiscent of Spike Lee’s Mars Blackmun, was a lot better and very comic. The third part was blah, with the exception of a cool blind actress. Number four’s nomadic late-night comedi- an driver who cruises around Rome in the wee hours with only himself as an audience was entertaining. The fifth segment took place in some cold country, maybe Poland, and was a snore. So the final count is two out of five, not a good enough ratio to warrant seven of your dollars and two of your hours. Spike of Dirt ee Oui! Oui! 9% Made me forget about the ozone layer siteliel Don’t wait in line or anything i Better than a sharp stick in the eye * Wee-wee Check out the Sunset Island books: Sunset Heat, Sunset Promises, Sunset Scandal, and Sunset Whispers -it’s the way to stay completely cool all summer long! Fill out this coupon! If yours is one of the first F RE E 2000 received, we’ll send you a FREE copy of @ Sunset Heat, the first Sunset Island book of : the summer. Hurry! Offer limited to the first 2000 coupons received / Send to: Berkley Publishing Group, Dept. SE, 2 200 Madison Ave., New York, NY 10016 _ Name : Street , 5 City State A ee ye — Offer expires 5/30/92. Void where prohibited. Allow 8-10 weeks to receive your book. aa” Ses Mw Se = Offer limited to residents of the U.S. and Canada. LR - Pa nae Sd ENGR Ea Christian is best known for his role in the 1987 film Empire of the Sun, in which he portrayed a young English boy in the midst of World War Il. Now a fully foxy I8, Chrissy-poo is starring in Newsies, the Disney musical about a newsboys’ strike against newspaper mogul Joseph Pulitzer. Yes, a musical. “Before | did this, | didn’t enjoy much dancing and | had a thing against musicals as well,’ he says with that lovely British diction of his. “Now that | have met a lot of different dancers, | realize that it is not just a bunch of guys standing around in tights.” Christian is currently in Czechoslovakia filming Swing Kids, a movie about three Count Basie-loving German boys who join the Hitler Youth before WWII. Says Christian: “I’m the one who becomes violent, who starts enjoying the Nazi thing, who straight-out enjoys seeing blood on people.” | see. Christian lives in both LA and on the south coast of England, where he is from. When asked what his other interests are, he says: “I was into lacrosse, but the past year all | have been doing is acting, and if | wasn’t, | don’t know what I'd be doing. | would sort of like to go back to college. | started college, but | left ... I’m really boring. I'll have to reassess my life.” Christina os weston ; . . . _ e ~ * : ~ . ~ ~ email mensiee e414 HR HOW TO Become a a jane Groupe) |nebestpart ~~ romcmncee| Zee Ol the movie...” running on Fox-TV every weekday at 5 ew. So watch. But if you’re not getting JANE in your hometown, and of course you wanna, write those bigwigs at Fox in LA and tell ’em you think it’s unfair. And when you’re in New York City, why don’t you come be in the studio audience? Just write to: Tickets/I Promise to Raise My 4and and Ask a Lot of Questions, JANE, Times Square Studios, 1481 Broadway, Wew York, NY 10036. Say how many free tickets you need. Rinse and repeat. © 1991 MEM Company Inc., Northvale, NJ 07647 Underneath It all, she's Baby Soft. You'll love the powdery, fresh scent of Love's Baby Soft cologne. [fox WNYW NEW YORK ith MN "bi W H a T ni ) W by enneae The Nation of Ulysses (right), Bikini Kill , | (below) and the Dust *" 4 Devils graced a recent [4 SERS ZA elite ate STH Tare FW mM aveyaursl (ere) ate) femme all-ages shindig in NYC. For me, Bikini Kill’s set Weck datcmallelalilejaimey mists evening. Lead singer Kathleen isa ig Ui AYA lan) ey-t-s-J(e]alcvemr-lale| compelling performer, driven to spread her con- UES-ToM-lale mere) aiil(es(-reMal-reni (=a message. Even our own Margie, nota elteMelbia) acolo. aii-laPecy-l(e| - BK’s set made her feel BLATANT really happy about being 3 ‘SELF- PROMOTION a girl. Andrea Lee Linett, Kim and | gave away DORA HANDEL some sievely ‘ofete) g prizes, including: five Clash videos and some grab bags of CDs from Mercury records. Then the NE Litelam=)¢e)lele(=lemelamtat-mcit-le(-mm Ula (=¥e(o J] ale (-lanrlamaireLCarem-latiel(eielelers fefolatleit=ialtcm-jeleleian | (-1tmr-lalel-wmallele)(-arel| em fe)(=Mee{-tere) amt @r- || M(-y1 Me-lelel-mie) Taliolgearciilelame)amiticels-msJ0lalel-\Va ar-]a8(-1—} 1-212-966-4225. Thi, th how bad — Roxette is: 3 was offered a free trip to. see them France, and 9 turned it down. We’re Trance, girls. 44 may sassy - Wakilana: Adjective ipelox-beupare) crazy, — wacky, nuity, zany, aay-veler-emmeny.ver—e Margie and | recently went to a preview of the Beverly Hills, 90210 doll collection in the Mattel showroom. A 40-ish, suit- wearing female executive of Mattel Toys stood onstage and said: “Making their debut from West Beverly Hills High School, into the hearts of their fans every- where, are the hottest-looking dolls in any zip code!” While a not-quite-authentic version of the 90210 theme song played, the dolls repre- senting Brenda, Brandon, Dylan, Kelly and Donna rose out of a podium, as if by magic. None of them bore a striking resemblance to their corresponding ° 90210 character, except maybe the Donna doll, as prefab as Miss Plastic WA Surgery herself. (As Washington Bubess Chief Smith later commented, “The Dylan doll looks like it was made out of old Fonzie parts.) Then Jennie Garth made her entrance in a black-and-white hounds- tooth blazer. A small blond girl came Sassy Glossary: Definition #49 “We had to reshoot the Bc-IPErenamelalehdens because they weren't wakilana enough.” Wel0 Dolls onstage carrying Jennie’s doll likeness. which wore a black minidress, heart jew- elry and pumps. The doll’s legs were three quarters of the length of her body. “Is that the little Kelly doll?” asked Ms. Garth. “Well, that’s great.” The throng of press photographers began badgering her- “Jennie, look this way. We don’t see any- ~ thing back here. Hello! Hello! Jennie, over here. Jennie, Jennie, — Jennie, Jennie.” split second the Jenster looked pissed, but after that her smile held up very well. Then Jason ** Priestley walked on, . * _ wearing a dark suit and . “tie and round, wire-. rimmed glasses. “Jason. Jason. Jason. Jason,” screamed the crowd. The exec presented — a two-foot-long check for $90,210 to the Juvenile Diabetes Foundation. As every- _ one left the stage, a photographer commanded futilely, “Jason, we need you with your doll!” Hie You Crabby Yet? The publishers of the book 1001 Things That Make You Crabby would like you to send in examples of things that make you crabby. Ten people will receive official crabby T-shirts, and some may be published in the sequel. Send entries to Cras, Sassy, 230 Park Ave., New York, NY 10169. You look at the picture of BMG recording artist Mitch Malloy (below), and he’s so beyond stunning in the traditional sense that you’re about to wish he’s your boyfriend. But then all of a sudden you notice the far-too- long, moussed hair, the airbrushed perfection of his skin—it’s just too much. And you realize that he is the human Separated at Birth: Mitch 9 equivalent of Cappy, an i obscenely over- groomed champion toy — poodle that Is PU S ~~ ty, all poodles. “Cappy ol er ae Werest, who are from Arlington, s WA. play the most incredibie gui- , tar pep and are all. totally e @mrgecus. They have been around , @emee, like, 1985 and have four ; @@nerds under their belt, although { @hey"re barely in their twenties. - Wineir mysterious singer Mark E. . @ieihimson runs his own record label, Teen Beat, and puts _ - @mt groovy independent platters. Suave drummer Phil Wreath is their secret weapon keeping the backbeat. And beauteous bass player Bridget Cross is a revolutionary rock goddess who completely loses her mind onstage. One of the best early Unrest songs is “Christina,” which I always lis- ten to while reading “What Now.” Their new record, Imperial, is out on Number 6 Records. 3 \f te ’ nel AW \\ iS 4 | s] | i | |) : aa6 bad SLET L Att ro J = =aen = ls a 75 . 7 ease i Efi Still a Barren E. Burrows is to Seams, as Samantha Mathis is ie Winona Ryder, as Joan Wallins is to Elizabeth Taylor, as Jason Priestley is to Zehany Depp, as Luke Perry is fe James Dean, as Claudia Schifier is to Brigitte Bardot, 2s Bill Clinton is to JFK, as YM is to Sassy. dream We have 200 cassette : - singles of They Might date Be Giants’ “The Statue yot Me High" for 200 readers. To vin, you must explain which of the ollowing you would choose: ’a date Sittmeale Linell, a date with John -lansbure or death. Please include | specific reasons. Send entries to: What a Choice! c/o Sassy, 230 Park Ave., New York, NY 10169: Was all kinda embar- cure — Bureau Chief Erin “Kitten” Smith MARKY Before oo Mark Wahlberg’s MARK IN recent concert or @)\\ (ey i 28 Me ere C announced by Hateful Luther the chesty white "Ticky" Hale rapper’s New Year’s resolution: He’s “not going to drop his pants anymore.” Of course, this news sent the surging mob of teen dream dates into a hYoag-r-Raabbales tizzy as if they’d seen a ghost (maybe Vanilla Ice’s career?). But never fear. At the Ritz Marky left the stage midshow for a costume rouak-Galeg-me-balo@ma-aueGeal-1eGma-5- Om hale mm Dok-Gdabacd elmer Bale GW Gh me ich dcE-O ak eee: bole! while love-rapping his way through some song from his album Music for the People, he disrobed, sport- ing boxers over a pair of those rep molohvAvaner-Uh anal. Gis heme Oalct-badaleh aes (and, well, all | can say about what happened next is, | hope Marky respected himself in the morning). By this time no one cared whether Marky was a slick rapper, or whether DJ T could cut a record . from side to side, or whether the | | Funky Bunch were good dancers. All | wanted to know was how Marky does that thing with his stomach. Afterward the stage was littered with flowers, stuffed ani- aaY-Whwr-Qaleemotobalctoh aah waa rassing—then again, why else do you go out on Friday night? 9 JMB Marky (far right) _ You know you’re going to end up getting your dad a tie for ». Father's Day anyway, so it might as well be a PC one. Because you really care about the fluffy animals. | For $28.50, you can choose from the World Wildlife Fund's [5 designs, including the attractive horned puffin or the cuddly koala. They, are available at department stores ‘“@&_ nationwide, and “2 portions of the Pe ae iinmxe) e@ to saving ; endangered ~ animals. There.is such a fine line between itsvevalavem= tare) alelelciiatslmmclarem| ace lb isiaatel and acid house, that we felt the need ioe (=iilaiomielomalcl iors) me (2) a)t-e)melolg ele) club music. Erin (not Smith), a 19-year- oom ccwcite lb r-lalengnrclarcre)iaremicre al alenizie from NYC, did the honors: “Sometimes a techno eye in a club, itis atetgemre) explains why follniclecyalitcits, between them. Industrial has more ofa iaatcres greta) (erslm icici (em lur- ale mcm aale) c= “Ominous; Nine Inch Nails is an industrial band. Acid house has that boom-boom-boom beat inthe background. Techno is a lot faster and “uses high-pitched noises: it puts you in ‘ “a dance frenzy. On the floor you feel like you're going to go crazy, really. But you can’t really sit rm ale)galcmrela(e mele) eniae) the stereo.” Moby, the eo) ce (ome) Xe (0 peclalemials re) ate laalelamelpom cre gale “bands, in case you are (ore) alcjelaaiciem e\iarcmelcsi a> Oe ee to hear fast, ee ee ede pitched noises. may sassy 45 salon style- reinvented. INTRODUCING THE MOST PERSONALIZED MOUSSES, GELS, SPRITZES AND SPRAYS EVER DEVELOPED. MOISTURIZING STYLING FORMULAS TO REPLENISH. Pepe feo Me x 4, BODIFYING CHOOSE SALON SELECTIVES BODIFYING STYLING FORMULAS FOR EXTRA VOLUME. WILL YOU FEEL LIKE YOU JUST STEPPED OUT OF A SALON? LIKE NEVER BEFORE. SALON BEAUTIFUL. First you got your Chris Stevens. He would be the Dj at the only radio station in Cicely, Alaska, the wee rural outpost that is Northern Exposure’s setting. Chris is an esthetic, eclectic, poetic soul—he plays everything from Patsy Cline to opera arias to Buckwheat Zydeco, quotes Carl jung, reads War and Peace and Where the Wild Things Are over the air, and makes humongous freaky sculptures. He is beyond babelike, with nice cheekbones and, until recently, long hair that is now short but still quite foxy. Like the actor who plays him, John Corbett, Chris is 6' 5" tall, with breathtakingly long legs that set you to imag- ining all kinds of things. He dresses alternative- grunge, with leather cords around his wrists sometimes. The dating scenario: Chris is the Artsy Boy some of us are always getting helplessly attracted to. If you were involved with him, he would want to sculpt you naked. He would write poems about you, but would use non-saccharine, abstractly weird, Robyn Hitchcock-type wording. He would want to wash your hair. He would never make you think your hips were too big. He would enjoy lying on a blanket, staring at the stars and inventing new names for constellations inspired by you. However, he would never be faithful, so taken is he with all the varieties of female pulchritude. He’d make you feel beautiful, but he’d only be with you in the moment, you know? Another problem: Regular viewers know that Chris peri- odically exudes a pheromone or something that makes him irresistible to women, and during those times they throw themselves at him as if they were lemmings jumping off a cliff. (Competi- tion City.) Also, sometimes he is darn incompre- hensible, as in: “Thank you for playing Apollo to my Dionysus in art’s Cartesian dialectic.” This sort of nonlinear, bizarre-reference-filled conver- sation can get tiresome. Therefore Chris Stevens unto himself is not boy perfection. And so we move on to Joel Fleischman, who started off as the show’s focus, but now it’s more of an ensemble thing. Joel is a recent grad of Columbia med school who is now obligated to practice medicine in Alaska for four years. This does not thrill him, as he misses New York City, bagels and hoity-toity culture. Not only that, but long-distance distress has caused his fiancee to break off their engagement. Joel (played by Rob Morrow, of Dentyne commercial fame) is cute in | found me - perfect vivir TOY! aot tasty composive Off a more conventional way than Chris — dark the three main studleys hair, intense, very smart, curious about life | outside the world of medicine in a way af Norther Exposure , many doctors aren’t. He dresses like a little one-man J. Crew catalog—barn jackets, my ever-unpredictable, pleated khakis, comfy sweaters. _ ; The dating scenario: Joel’s appeal is bpiritual, unttupidly mainly verbal—he can do witty banter. He’s night DU. obsession. sarcastic, and he’d be really fun to sit with at an outdoor cafe drinking cappuccino and Sf carefully merged, these quys would people-watching (he’d have entertainingly snap judgments about everyone who walked by). He’s opinionated and has some political awareness. Unlike Chris, he’d defi- nitely be a one-woman man—he likes the ; whole concept of being in a relationship. cheale a being that Pius he wouldn’t be intimidated by a smart ‘ chick. He’d also spend money on you—nice could fulfill Your meals, presents, romantic getaways. Not to . mention, your mom would just kvell herself i mate ara to death about you bringing home a Jewish BY MARGIE doctor. (Well, mine would, anyway.) However, the man is a major whiner. A kvetch. A nebbish even. Fearful of new experiences, very judgmental and cutting, he can be cluelessly insensitive: Like, he’d tell you if you had a huge zit, and he might say really stupid things to your friends (like, “Have you had that mole looked at? | mean, it’s probably nothing....”) without meaning to. So Joel alone is not boy perfection either. Incidentally, there’s a kind of 90210-guy dichotomy going on with Joel and Chris. There’s the boy your parents want for you but you wouldn’t mind having yourself (Joel/Brandon) vs. the freethinking, intenser, slightly daft boy who’s Trouble (Chris/Dylan). Your emotional tug o’ war between two very desirable yet very different males is key to the Bev Hills appeal, and maybe that’s true here too. But the quality of this show’s writing makes it worth watching even if you don’t lust for anybody on it. Anyway, next up: Ed Chigliak. As the distant third-banana of cuteness (in my humble opinion), he is the David Silver of Cicely, or perhaps the Steve Sanders (in babe-itude, not personality—Ed’s a shemp, not a dweeb or a jock). He’s the 18-year-old Native American guy who seems like a clueless dolt but has an IQ of 180. He’s a devotee of the films of Scorcese and Fellini and is obsessed with becoming an auteur himself. Basically Ed has the genuine youthful sweetness the other two guys lack. He’s got a big heart and is really nice to Ruth-Anne, the old lady who runs the general store. He’s skinny (he has the classic shambling shemp body), wears a black leather motorcycle PAGE 75 may sassy 47 = u C oO a8) from The iami » $16, M Century Hotel Short FL ies, Hotel T-shi | Tein Buster amen tistvertstern try To) oc a3) ieee per 2b eS e Bae peeego pe peerseess eee is sa eee et acess ae ceRinEr eee — = = cS = a < = LOCATION, LE Of course we won't really sit on the roof in our underwear... There, in chair: Ribbed tank, $54, and briefs, $44, by Diapositive. Craft Caravan beads with Tiffany & Co. pen-knife attached. Chambray sneaks by Keds. Hair rollers from Sally Beauty Supply. There, standing: Stretch-denim bodysuit, $42, by Kathy Arthun. Pearl necklace from the Cultured Pearl Association. Sneaks by J. Crew. Here: Big smocked chambray shirt, $42, by Kiko. Bandana by Glentex. Century Hotel sterling lizard pendant by Whitney Donati. Bracelets by Dosa. adits hahaa nia es ania i dasa aaacdaen iam ce COO 0) on areca sande ganna abate nega 6 RNR AHO OOD bap 0 ae apne eee a een ee eee e'll still have chores, but at least we can go to the beach during the spin cycle. There, left: Sundress with ruffled front, $48, by Jett Paris. Floral sunglasses by Mercura. Thongs by J. Crew. There, right: Sleeveless “Thelma & Louise” shirt, $34, by Cherokee Juniors. Ruffled bloomers, $40, by Jett Paris. Glentex bandana. Here: The perfect swingy dress, $54, by Esprit. Neck hanky from Woolworth. Bracelets from Dosa. Mesh bag from Augie’s Coffee Shop, NYC. Towel by Cannon Mills Royal Family. The obvious fragrance choice here is Cover Girl’s Navy. All prices are approximate. For store info see “Where It’s At.” And what color could be more picturesque, what with all that lovely sky and sea? oven SE aN A a a NR LN A NM Ge Are you the kind of chica about whom people say, “‘She has street smarts, not book smarts” or ‘‘She’s really creative, but not academic’’? What they mean, der, is that you’re no stud in the classroom. But does being a scholastic wimp mean you’re stupid? No way, Jose. BY MARGIE INGALL l’ve plastered numerous foxy teenage boy cousins all over “What He Said,” but | also have a delight- ful girl cousin you would like. Her name’s Michal (pronounced mee-KHAL), and she is deeply sassy. She’s five years younger than me, but | can talk to her like she’s my age. She’s really artistic and extremely popular in a not-raving-bitch way. And she’s very interested in what makes people tick. But a scholarly whiz? Not in this lifetime. Even though Michal didn’t do all that well in school, | just knew she was smart. I’ve always sus- pected that a lack of stud-dom in school is no guarantee of a lack of success in life. How else do you explain all the people who really bombed scholastically yet become happy grown-ups with awesome careers, great families and stimulating lives? Or the straight-A students who turn out major, sad losers?’ Common sense has also told me that intelligence is a lot more complicated than the way we've been trained to look at it—as one single entity, measurable like the quantity of gas in a tank; you’ve got a certain amount and that’s that. So I’m loving the ideas of this Harvard profes- sor, Howard Gardner. He’s developed a notion he calls the theory of multiple intelligences (hence- forth to be known as MI theory—ooh, same initials as Margie Ingall theory! Must be true!). He says there are at least seven totally separate areas of braininess—maybe more, but no one’s figured all of them out yet. The areas are completely inde- pendent of one another, so having lots of one kind of intelligence is no guarantee that you’re full-to- busting with any other one. The way people’s intelligences combine, their strengths and weak- nesses, is as individual as their fingerprints. Every 54 may sassy You're one of us has a mix, and we all rock more in some areas than others. (This is not to say we can’t get better in areas we’re weak in; we're just born stronger at cer- tain things.) And the coolest aspect is that all of these intelligences are equally valid indicators of success in life. So, bubeleh, where do you jam? 1. You’re a reader and a writer. Those who have “linguistic intelligence” (Howie’s official if stuffy label) truly dig words and are sensitive to the little nuances of their meaning. Someone especially strong in this area could be a magazine edi- tor, publicist, teacher or translator. Please refer to the lovely photos to your right: My example of this form of intelligence is the brilliant Toni Morrison, whose novel Song of Solomon is just beyond all adjectives. (My linguistic intelligence fails me.) 2. You’re logical and mathematical. Someone with “logical-mathematical intelligence” is a good problem-solver, figure-outer, pattern-seer. Your fave sub- jects are probably math or science (duh), and you could be a fabu banker, computer goddess, accountant, lawyer. Embodying this was Albert Einstein—a guy who didn’t even talk till he was three and was thought to be deeply moronic. 3. You’re musical. “Musical intelligence” may be the one that's most under- valued in school. It's why certain people can pick out a tune on the piano after hearing it only a couple of times or have perfect rhythm or a gorgeously modu- ~ lated on-key voice. We're talking Steve Tyler, Bonnie Raitt, Branford Marsalis and the like. 4. You’re graceful and athletic. ‘“Bodily-kinesthetic intelligence” (Howie’s Harvardian labeling again) means using your body skillfully. As in athletes, dancers, etc., but also the ability to manipulate your teeny, intricate muscles—like surgeons, sculptors and musicians have to. For this reason tennis pro Gabriela Sabatini, drummer Sheila E and hubba Mikhail Baryshnikov are virtual geniuses. 5. You’re artsy. “Spatial intelligence” means really visual braininess. It involves being able to create and appreciate art, even if you can’t put into words why you like it. It’s also stuff like having a sense of direction, being able to figure out just by looking at a semi-empty Ben & Jerry’s container how many servings are left and quickly learning to parallel park with far more finesse than Brenda Walsh. Someone with “spatial intelligence” could be an artist, architect, engineer, decorator, inven- tor. Or you could be Betsey Johnson, a fashion designer who can look at a flat bolt of stretchy fabric and instantly see a knockout of a dress. 6. You’re really good at understanding others. You, darling, have “interper- sonal intelligence.” Maybe you're the one all your friends go to with their problems, because you're such a sympatico listener and give wonderful advice. You're supersensitive to other people’s moods and desires and can figure out how to respond accordingly. Maybe you can psych people out really well and can quickly tell whether someone is slickly nice on the surface but a snake deep down (Michal’s real good at this). People with a lot of interpersonal intelligence do well in groups. You could be a politician, a teacher, a publicist or a people-mover, like fem- inist leader Gloria Steinem. 7. You’re really good at understanding yourself. Okay, “‘intrapersonal intelli- gence” and #6 are closely tied, but the diff is that here the focus is inward and there it's outward. You have tremendous insight into yourself—you’re the type to snap at your little brother, then realize immediately that you did it because you're upset at your best friend. This would make you a good therapist or social worker or maybe even an actor. Johnny Depp (who bombed right out of high school) and Julia Roberts are very intrapersonally insightful, using their own emotions to create characters. As | said, all these kinds of intelligence contribute to making us successful human beings, but most schools only stress two of them. Guess which? PAGE 73 JFOOMMMMY Fee Ants STE Ve FYE ere, fetett ieee ALMeMr? SPINS TEIN: BETTMANNM AMnitive BETSEY JOMMEONM.: MORE rT AAA E) E rtecereee tAvee PPOACO Tee ADAPT PRA Tigem: Teena Se a , ALBERT _ Cl7F—_ GABRIELA EINSTEIN Hes, * . SABATINI 7 72 JQHNSON eer . e $ irae +Fi ve ® +c eevee BEST AR ELSA) | bP rico gad S Be me ees jag, Nag, ag-about. | sun Spotuctign : Excuse . a = we see-your ey6s glazing over. Yeah, you chinik a all before, but now that the — layer has holes the size of Mitta eS ego, you'd better listen up. Bae aa hct tem a 5. CONSIDER FAKING IT via a deceptively realistic bottied tan. Our janet is a year-round vision of head- to-toe bronzeness, thanks to Clarins Self-Tanning products. Your skin’s uppermost layer reacts to chemicals in the stuff, oxi- dizing to create a tan color that’li last for sever- al days. Most products do net turn you orange like they used to back in the experimental days. The well-loved ozone layer, our shield against truly hazardous ultraviolet rays, is being depleted way faster than we’d thought. Some parts of the northern US and Canada may have lost as much as 40 percent of it—a lot more serious than the 4 to 8 percent that was already throwing scientists into a tizzy last year. That fact is no picnic for the entire ecosystem. However, since this is merely a beauty story, we will confine ourselves to how to protect your pre- cious self from sun damage, like burns, early wrinkles and far-from- pleasant skin cancer. & i. NO STALE SUNSCREEN. Them thar betties have a shelf life of about two years, but it’s safest to replace last year’s unfin- ished letion. An already- epened bottle deteriorates more quickly than a mever-epened one. 2. YEAR-ROUND DAILY PROTECTION IS WHAT YOU’D CALL A MUST. As much as 80 percent of your lifelong sun exposure hap- pens from day-to-day living—just bopping along the road of life, as opposed to concentrated lying out in the summer or vacation- time sun. So put sunscreen or protective lotion (like Oil of Olay Daily UV Protectant) on the same list as brushing your teeth—an = everyday thing. And happy [5th birthday to SPF ratings, which 6. GIVE IT TIME TO SINK IN. Sunscreen needs 13 to 30 min- utes to penetrate. It binds to cool, dry skin best. Reapply every two hours and first appeared on bottles way back in ’77. The number that comes after the SPF (from 2 to about 45) indicates how long you can = Stay in the sun. E.g.: if you usually turn pink after 20 screenless ™ minutes in the sun, SPF 8 would protect you for 8 times as long, z or 160 minutes. Dermatologists and the Skin Cancer Foundation = recommend reaching for an SPF 15 or higher every blessed day. = 3. SLATHER THE = STUFF ON. One study Showed that most = people use only half sas much sunscreen as they need. The eorrect amount: one brimming paim- ful per application. 4. DARK SKIN BURNS TOO, YOU KNOW. Since you don’t see it getting red, you won’t know you’re burned until it’s ouching. And skin cancer, though it’s less common in African-Americans than in Caucasians (who should now consider cul- tivating a fashionably Winona-like pallor), is defi- nitely on the rise among everybody. after swimming (an SPF 30 that isn’t labeled “‘waterproof’’ will instantaneously become SPF I when you hit the water). can be scary 7. KNOW YOUR RAYS. SPFs only refer to protection from burn- and cancer-causing UVB rays. But UVA rays can also be dangerous—they cause deep tissue damage, early aging and wrinkling (so ignore tanning salons’ inane claims of using only the “good” rays). For UVA protection, look for a product labeled “‘broad spectrum” (that means shielding you from all ultraviolet light) or containing Parsol 1789, dioxybenzone, avobenzone, 2-Ethylhexyl, titanium dioxide or zinc oxide. 8. SUN PROTECTION THINGIES WE ESPECIALLY LIKE: FOR ACTIVE TYPES (waterproof, unrub-off-able): Bain de Soleil Sport Lotion, Coppertone Sport Dry Lotion FOR FACES: Vuarnet Face Protective Sunblock, Banana Boat Faces Sunblock SELF-TANNERS: Hawaiian Tropic Self Tanning SunBlock, Clarins Self-Tanning Face Cream, Tropical Blend Sunless Tanning Clear Gel CHEMICAL-FREE AND A NIFTY BUG REPELLENT: Kiss My Face Kiss Off, Origins Let The Sun Shine In. may Sassy 57 summer 0’ BeauTY Foundation is a deeply spiffy beauty aid ‘cause it can even out blotchiness, minimize all kinds of skin probs and blemishes, make you look all dewy — | and glowy and guard your precious face from cancer-causing UV rays, pollution and grime, as well as keep oily skin under control and dry skin moist. It’s also lighter and easier to apply than ever. Today’s founda- tions have more “‘slip”— beauty jargon meaning they blend more easily. This is thanks to silicone polymers—yes, silicone, as in scary breast implants. But in this not-surgically-inserted incarnation it helps makeup spread more smoothly, keeps your skin’s own moisture from escaping and improves “playtime,” another bit of beauty jargon for the amount of time you have to futz with it and smear it around before it dries. Which foundation has your name all over it? We think the best for- mulas are sheer ones—usually liquids, as opposed to creams, which are heavier, thicker and more opaque. We’re likin’ L’Oréal Visuelle Invisible Coverage Makeup, Maybelline Sheer Essentials Makeup, Clarion Perfect Complexion Makeup, Colourings by Barbara Daly Foundation and Max Factor Color and Light Makeup (available in June). Makeup gal Sandrine Van Slee used Revion’s New Complexion Makeup and Prescriptives Exact Color Makeup for woe these photos and seemed to enjoy the results. In general foundations are now designed not to clog pores. But if your Are you fearful of face is oily, what the heck, go the whole nine yards and get a foundation made specifically for this problem—such a thing will not contain oil and will even blot and control the grease your face produces all on its own. Some suggestions: ; ? : 4) Cover Girl All-Day Oil Control Makeup, Clinique Stay True Makeup, Almay Oil- foundation! Think It It Free Makeup, Maybelline Shine Free Oil Control Liquid Makeup and Shiseido Oil Control Treatment Compact. Feeling zitty? Try Cover Girl Clarifying Acne Fighting Makeup, which contains salicylic acid to attack those troubled spots. clog up every single And more good news: Many foundations come with sunscreen, but even those with no screen added have a natural SPF of 4. Hep me! Hep me! How Do | Pick the Right Shade? pore, make you the Obviously the dream scenario is to be able to try on the stuff in the store. But wherever you do your testing, don’t put it on your hand or wrist or even cheek, says our makeup artist pal B. J. Gillian. The spot midway between the : corner of your lower lip and jawline is exactly the average tone of your whole Lit Queen, look fake face, so do your testing there; the right shade will seem to disappear into your skin. If possible, go look at it in natural light. In a department store, you can always ask a saleschick to help you. Or, if you have the moolah to get and masklike? Oh, the most precise match possible, search out a Prescriptives counter. They have [15 shades; one of ’em is likely to match your punim. For even more moolah they’ll custom-blend a foundation for you while you wait and keep your special formula on file for next time. wrongo, sweetu ms. But let’s say you’re a poverty-stricken teenager and you’re buying a brand without tester bottles. What then? Well, this is again why sheerer formulas are the superior choice—the less opaque the product, the less crucial it is that it match your skin perfectly. Here’s whatcha do: Hold a couple of bottles next to your cheek, again in natural light if poss, and choose a color that’s a few shades lighter than your face. (If you choose wrong, don’t just toss the sucker. Buy another bottle in the next lighter or darker shade and blend the reasons to wear it are vo. Hey, try.) Also, some companies helpfully label their shades “cool,” for pinker-toned skin, and “warm,” for tawn-y, peach-y, golden-toned skin. If you don’t know which tone your skin is, maybe ask someone at an expensive cos- ‘ metics counter, then craftily purchase a less-expensive brand at the drugstore. many and Various. The most common foundation mistake is using the wrong tonality— foundation Is The beauty-enhancing SPONGE: COLOURINGS RY BARBARA DALY/RBODY SHOP ON RETHANY: REVLON NEW COMPLEXION MAKEUP IN PEACH BEIGE PHOTOGRAPHY: GEORGE | LO) a4 Sandrine Van Slee Hair & Makeup for Pierre Michel ine . Bethany and Jacquel * “ wferelas PHOTOGRAPH: DORA HANDEL ON JACQUELINE: PRESCRIPTIVES EXACT COLOR MAKEUP 1 IN ANTELOPE . summer 0’ BeauTY that is, wearing a cool when your skin is warm-toned, or vice versa—and choosing a too-dark foundation. Most of us have more yellow in our skin than pink, so most folks should be gravitating toward those warmer colors. And darker-skinned girls can make a beeline for any of these guys: Prescriptives, Maybelline Shades of You, Almay, Clinique, Revlon, Body Shop. Don’t get frantic about this selection process. First of all, we are in an elec- tion year and there are bigger things to worry about. Second of all, most makeup artists carry only, like, five foundation shades for hundreds of models, blending them to create a perfect match every time, which should tell you that this is not brain surgery. Applying the Sacred Anointing Fluid Foundation goes on best over smooth, moist (not greasy) skin. If your skin is dry and flaky, foundation will look icky and crinkly, so use a light moisturizer (Oil of Olay, for example) and let it sink in for a few minutes before applying foundation. But if you have oily skin, skip the moisturizer or use an ultra- light oil-free version, like Shiseido Pureness Oil-Free Moisture Essence or Clarion Oil-Free Moisturizer. — coverGir| C/ean Make-Ve CNG VE Stay y_ [eve Na Ke vp ———— Carian Naty ra\ Finish Make- Up BeavTé Benetton fond de Teint Fivide sy G2 J reese n hor r Epa? Lancing Mag faa Teint Native We could not get our little panel o’ makeup pros to agree on the single best method of application. Artistes are so contrary. (They agree, howev- er, that with whatever method, a little dab of foundation will do ya—don’t get heavy-handed.) Here are their three top contenders: |) Fingers. Those who favor fingers feel they give the best control, plus the warmth of skin helps makeup blend easily and get right into your skin. Also fingers are good for get- ting into nooks and crannies around your eyes and nose. Key point: Make sure your digits do not have filth on them—i.e., wash first. 2) A dry sponge of latex or nylon, available at any big drugstore. Fans of this method say they apply and blend makeup more quickly and easily than fingers can. Triangular wedges are cheap, and the corners are good for detail work, but any shape is fine. The circular ones cost more but last longer. 3) A damp sponge—either synthetic or a natural sea sponge. Wet it thoroughly, then squeeze out all the water so it’s just slightly moist. The water thins the foundation a bit, giving a sheerer finish, and a natural sponge gives the very sheerest look, ‘cause it’s more porous than a synthetic one and holds more water. Potential problem with this method: Streaking. A final once-over with a dry sponge will take care of any uneven- ness. Oh, and wash all sponges, wet or dry, after each use. Maybe use anti-bacterial soap, dish- washing liquid or shampoo, which lather up and rinse nicely. If your synthetic sponge starts to fray and pill, use a new one already—what are you, a cheapskate? You don’t hafta coat your whole dang face, you know! Unless you want to—in which case, for goodness sake, be sure to care- fully blend foundation down to your neck to avoid the dreaded mask effect. There is also a minimalist approach, however. Put a dot in the middle of your forehead, nose and chin and blend outward. If it matches there won’t be any foundation/no foundation demarcation. (Say that fast.) Or just use it as a concealer around your eyes and nose. It’s a great base for eyeshadow and camouflages dark under-eye circles. And we always believe in letting one’s freckles show through, God bless ’em. Make Foundation Last and Last A matte formula like L’Oréal Mattique or Maybelline Finish Matte or compact foundation (like Sebastian Trucco Duo Foundation) applied with a damp sponge will stay matte-er longer. (That was a grammatically pathetic sentence.) But no matter what foundation you choose, always finish with a dusting of translucent powder for staying power. Loose prevents greasiness better than pressed. And oil-blotting paper like Andrea Fresh-Ups is also helpful; press one onto your shiny face and you'll be amazed at how much it sucks up. In a pinch, blot with a tissue. If your skin’s really oily, though, at a certain point late in the day you may just have to throw your hands up in the air, wash your face and start anew. When Not to Wear the Stuff How much can we stress this? Unless you crave blackheads up the wazoo, try not to wear foun- dation during gym—sweat is zit heaven. If you must, however, and do find yourself shvitzing a lot, wash off foundation afterward, stroke on some astringent and reapply. Oh, and always remove every last smidgelet of makeup before bed. Even if you are completely exhausted from the really, really great time you had that night because you looked so fine wearing your per- fectly applied foundation. Special thanks to dermatologists Debra Jaliman and Peter Wisch (MDs both); Jill Scalamandre, a Revion vice prez; and makeup and whizfaces Bobbi Brown, B.J. Gillian, Melissa Rogers, and Wei Lang. may sassy 61 er 0’ BeauTY photograp Harder working appendages you will not find, yet we take our feet so for granted. Treat ’em nice, though, and they will carry you where you wish to go and look very attractive while doing so. Much like a Michael Bolton record, the feet are a phenomenon we try to ignore until they start causing pain. But with sandal season approaching it is time once again to turn our fickle attention to that sore- ly neglected beauty area. To begin with, how to fix the most common unsightly agonies. Calluses are not that big a deal. They’re layers of thick, dead skin caused by friction or pressure from ill-fitting shoes. They’re also your bod’s own natural cushion—you actual- ly need a bit o’ callus for protection from the hard pavement of life. If your feet are unattractively hardened or achy, though, soak them in the bathtub for 15 minutes. Then use a pumice stone or special foot file (we like Dr. Scholl’s Smooth Touch Dual Action Swedish File) to reduce the callus while skin is still damp and soft. Just don’t try to remove the whole thing, okay? And avoid those razor blade callus removers—the knifelike edge can do major damage. Follow up with foot cream. If, however, your callus is cracked or split (yow), it is beyond self-help. See a doc. Corns form atop, at the tip of or between toes and, indeed, resemble the veg- etable of the same name—yellow, round on top, tapered in a conelike way. Corns, like blisters, are thanks to friction and pressure. So wear shoes with a roomy toe box that don’t squash your piggies. Clogs are a perfect anti-corn style, as are bump-toed Doc Martens. If you do get an ouchy corn (say, by wearing pointy, spike-heeled, fringe-y viny| FRUIT SANDALS (BOTTOM RIGHT): LAVERNE THANKS TO DR. SUZANNE M. LEVINE AND HEM TOL-WIGGLIN' BOOK MY PRET ane nee. CLEAR SHOES (TOP LEFT): DYEABLES boots), avoid over-the-counter corn-remover liquids and wetted pads like the plague—the salicylic acid in ’em can irritate normal skin. Instead, soak your foot in warm water and Epsom salts (check the directions on the box for the proper amount). Follow with cream and mummify foot in plastic wrap for about [5 minutes, then unwrap and use a pumice stone on the corn. Cover with a plain, dry corn pad (like Dr. Scholl’s Corn Cushions) to alleviate the infernal rubbing till the corn dis- appears. You may be genetically predisposed to corns and calluses if you have a high arch or long second toe—meaning your weight isn’t distributed evenly with each step. If so you can get custom-designed insoles to rebal- ance your foot—see a foot doctor (officially called a podiatrist). A 135-pound girl puts over 400 pounds of pressure on each foot as she walks. Blisters often come from too-short, too-narrow shoes or from failing to wear cushiony socks when walking a lot. Besides wearing socks and shoes that fit well, you can help prevent blisters by rubbing petroleum jelly into vulnerable areas, like heels, balls of feet and tops of toes, and dusting feet with foot powder before putting socks on. If you do get one, swab with alcohol, and if it’s a big mama, puncture it with a sterile needle. Don’t peel the skin off—it’s protecting the raw spot. Avoid Ingrown toenails by fleeing from pointy-toed shoes and too-tight pantyhose or socks. Always cut toenails straight across (say, with Revlon’s Expert Toenail Clip), not sloping downward at the sides. And wear sandals now and then. If you get an ingrown nail in spite of these efforts (if you have curved toenails and flat feet, you’re predisposed to them), soak your foot in an iodine solution, try to cut the nail where it’s digging you so it’s straight, not angled, and apply antibiotic cream like Bacitracin. If no go, it's doctor time, ‘cause gangrene could even set in. Eww. Each amazing foot has 26 bones, 56 ligaments, 38 mus- cles, 72,000 nerve endings and 250,000 sweat glands. he endan9ered SPECIAL FOOT TREAT SECTI Pamper those little dogs daily by al them thoroughly after showering, espe- cially between toes (a bacteria nook), and following up with soothing foot cream like Naturistics Peppermint Foot Lotion. And how ’bout some foot exercises to build strength and flexibility? |) Walk barefoot in the sand. Feels great, kinda romantic. And the grains of sand are a natural pumice, exfoliating quite efficiently. 2) Stand with feet parallel, a few inches apart. Lift toes up as high as you can. Hold for a count of 10 and release. Do 10 times. 3) Pick up marbles with your toes for two minutes. Or pick up six unsharpened pencils one at a time with one foot, then with the other. These exercises are particularly good if you have no life. Your toeprints are as individual as your fingerprints. An occasional foot massage is also nice, easy and rewarding. Start by soaking feetsies for 15 minutes. After drying and slathering on foot cream, knead and pull each toe gen- tly. Then, using mainly your thumbs, make circular kneading motions along your sole, from the ball of your foot to your heel, then up to your ankle. Make all movements upward, toward the heart, to improve circulation. Finally, press and rotate the tops of your feet with your thumbs and palms. Quicker method for those with short attention spans: The Body Shop’s wooden footsie roller (shown opposite, top right) feels divine. Roll it back and forth under each arch as you sit mesmerized by MTV or while actually reading a book. in the glamorous °’20s, fashion victims actually had toes removed to better fit their pointy-tipped shoes. A FINAL WORD ABOUT SHOES How high the heel? Three quarters to an inch is best for daily wear. Impossibly high heels are a podiatrist’s (as well as a fashion editor’s) living nightmare. They throw your weight forward onto the balls of your feet, maybe leading to calluses and corns, and cause calf muscles to shorten—eventually making it incredibly painful to wear flats. But being addicted to total flats isn’t so great either: They can cause knee pain. In short, vari- ety is the spice of shoe life. Wear as many different shapes and heel heights as possible (hey, shopping excuse!) to give all those foot muscles a workout. In short, be kind to your feet and your feet will be kind to you. (We so seldom end beauty stories with a tired yet true cliche, but we just went with the impulse.) () may Sassy 63 seeroynoHastim Renate Lot Ree ———————————— rr at aie oo __ : ™ rn anasto oRPRRIINO ES ht pes oi miss hanaine out and that you feel kind of cast sete But sbi let her = know you: understand how she’s feeling, that a new relationship can be really all- Soon Beralee ’'m sure you’ 'd want her to be understanding if the shoe may be going deoughe some life crisis telling you about. Je brother mien be ir i thing you can de is ask if she’ S gota — | don’t know about and let her eee! you! re 5 t if she doesn’t want to talk about ieee ee takes time.) On the other hand, perhaps you’r the one who’s having problems, and you're pro- jecting bad feelings onto your friends. Feeling inse- cure or angry can really cloud your judgment—you _ think everyone else is hostile when it’s really hee So think about your own life too. = But there is another, less pleasant possibility: Could be your friend doesn’t feel as close anymore but can’t come out and say it. Once you've sat her down and said, “1 need to know where we stand ‘cause I’m feeling like we're drifting apart,” “you friend might actually tell you she wants out. And there may not be a whole lot you can do about it Okay, now that the confrontation is over with let's | assume one of several things | is happening. You guys could be reveling in ee reunited-ness. T hen the spot. Tell her exactly what you think of how she’s treated you, and make her tell you she doesn't want to be friends anymore. Watch her squirm. Enjoy it. ONE OF YOU IS JUST DIFFERENT If It’s You: This type of insidious friendship prob is as common as it is awkward— __ ping, | hope you did it ee If you iesea when you feel like something's changed in the relationship but you don’t know hope you're doing okay. Allow oineaare : | exactly what. | don’t have to tell you guys that people change a lot when they’re to get over your hurt. Having a relationship end is is enagers, and sometimes friends don’t evolve in the same way. Maybe you do feel one of those “That's life” kind of things we often e one of your friends suddenly seems younger than you, and it makes you impa- _ have no control over—it happens to everyo ient. If your friend asks what's going on, you really, really have to be nice to her and —_Annd just like with the boy kind of relationship y not to make her feel like a jerk just for being herself. She’s not a pair of socks better to bail out of a destructive friendship tha jou’ve outgrown and can discard. She hasn’t done anything wrong. ae stay and get devalued even more. hot into penne time with her anymore, try to avoid saying des But let’s end on a positive note, “why d y: During the last year, I’ve revived two frien with people | never thought I’d be close that’s destined to happen to you, it wi job now is to get on with oes ti é Blin’ babe. Sharon on her awesome jaguar-spotted motorcycle. A babe with a mission. oe 5 i a : ‘=gn3y.. My arms are dripping with 2 £28 WOEEGCGL GAs BEEEO iiood. | hadn't noticed until Nurse Gracie reached over and kissed my elbow. Gracie is a spider monkey, and Sharon explains that the “Nurse” was added after she started kissing zoo visitors’ cuts. “The blood,” Sharon says, “is from the biting flies. It’s why | wear these long-sleeved overalls. When | first came here, | was covered with red bites all the time. You get used to it.” I’m freaking out, but Sharon tells me this as casually as when she mentioned that a jaguar had taken a bite out of her three years ago. Then again, Sharon Matola’s one of those disgustingly fear- less types who wouldn’t bat one unmascara-ed eyelash at paddling through a poolful of piranha in an inner tube. | mean, this is a chick who lives alone in a thatched hut in the jungle with no electricity, running water or toilet even. “I do , have an outhouse and a se water tank that collects rainwater, so there are some comforts,” Sharon will tell you. You gotta love someone who lists an outhouse as a comfort. | first heard about Sharon through the Wildlife Preservation Trust, an interna- tional organization dedicated to saving species from extinction. They suggested | go down to Belize—an English-speaking Central American country right below Mexico—to check out their zoo, which was started by Sharon in | 983. | was pret- ty reluctant at first. | hate zoos, always have. Those animals pacing back and forth in their cages—or even the ones “running free” in the newer habitat-mimicking zoos of big cities—remind me of ghosts, or creatures waiting to die. | But they said this place is different. For one thing, unlike most Western zoos, ee ai the Belize Zoo isn’t about tourism; it’s about education. A subtropical Caribbean : aa euler CerEUrTt | me @~ wee Paradise about the size of | oo Ge nae % ye oe Oe Se om 4 Massachusetts, Belize ig 7£ percent jungle. Pretty famous for its snorkeling, the country has remained funky- rustic and mostly undeveloped thanks to a government dead set on preserving its biological diversity. Yet until Sharon settled here in 1982, most of the 200,000 pri- marily city-dwelling Belizeans had never seen their native animals, many of which were endangered. Sharon opened the zoo because, as she puts it: “You have to | know something and under- stand it and form that very important bond of compassion, you know, in order to want to preserve it. If you teach kids as they’re growing up to have a fondness for animals, it’s going to be very hard for them to go out and destroy their habitat or poach or kill them later.” Makes sense. So here | am too. And except for those little flies feasting on my arms, I’m hav- ing one heck of a good time. I’ve traveled six hours by plane and one hour by jeep down a bumpy, dusty road to get to the zoo, which is small and pretty primitive by American standards. The whole thing is outside on |5 acres of cleared jungle, and the 85 animals—mostly birds, reptiles, wild cats and monkeys—are in low-tech Nee: Sharon with 3 fe a-Kel(=) 66 may sassy PHOTOGRAPHY: HENNY GARFUNKEL PHOTOGRAPHY: HENNY GARFUNKEL Iever L wire enclosures. But | like the casual homi- chicker ness of it, especially the funny, handpainted signs written in the “voice” of each animal. And | like even more that everything looks really clean and the animals seem healthy and alert—l’d even say enn eed ; ~~ rd — - - . “happy” if | didn’t hate when people use human emotions to describe animals. “All of the animals were either born at the zoo, donated by other Zoos or were people’s pets that they couldn't keep,’ explains Sharon. “We've never taken anything out of the wild, and we don’t ever buy animals. Otherwise people might poach them for profit. “| had a huge fight with the man who’s head of the zoo organization in the States. | offered to show him around the zoo, and he totally denigrated it. He said, ‘You know, if you were in the United States I'd close you down. How can you operate with these standards?’ He missed the pane. The people of Belize are mostly poor, and you're going to make a ; ; big fancy zoo and show them that animals are housed better than they are?” | figure the guy must have been a moron, because | can’t imagine anybody not respecting what Sharon’s done. Or not liking her. She’s 37, about 5'! |" and pretty impressive-looking—strong and rugged—but also very gentle and soft-spoken. There is nothing pretentious about her. Growing up she was probably like that one girl we’ve all known—kind of shy, in her own world and more comfortable with four-legged creatures than with people. We come to the end of a dirt path and stop so | can drool over a gorgeous jaguar named Angel. “I wasn’t seriously committed to the zoo until one day during the first month,” remembers Sharon. “This ancient man wandered in, and | was taking him around, and when he got to the jaguars he started to cry. He said, ‘I’m very sorry, Miss, but I’ve lived in Belize my whole life, and this is the first time I’ve ever seen the animals of my country.” In 1986, thanks mostly to Sharon's persis- tence, Belize declared 108,000 acres of their tropical rain forest as a jaguar sanctu- ary. “It was a battle,” says Sharon, who now does conservation assessments for Belize’s government, in addition to running the zoo. “A lot of developers wanted the land, particularly the citrus industry. This is a poor country, so you can’t say no to development. But you have to protect very fragile areas that are prime locales for endangered species. The jaguar is already extinct in other parts of Central America.” How novel: a government that deals with an environmental problem before it’s too late—and at the expense of potential profit! In fact, Belize has allo- cated one third of its land—more than any other country—for protection of its wildlife. Imagine if every nation were as far-sighted; the planet might not be losing one species of mammal and bird per year. Sharon had mentioned that she was born in Baltimore, and | ask how she ended up here, of all places. “I was always interested in science,” she says. “Growing up, I'd look for any excuse to collect insects or anything crawling. | belonged to ecolo- gy clubs in high school, and then | majored in marine biology at New College, a small school in Sarasota, Florida. One of my professors was asked to do a study of the fish that live near the reefs off of Belize. She couldn’t go, so she sent me—this SS es SS 4 reD was in 1980—and | just fell in love with the place. For someone with a biology background it was heaven. Really wild and pioneer- like.” Sharon reluctantly returned to the States after three months, and did come back, but not before a stint as a lion tamer in a Mexican circus. But that’s a whole other story. What got her back to Belize for good in 1982 was what Sharon calls destiny. Actually, it was an English guy making nature films in the very place her zoo now stands. He desperately needed an assistant—he’d lost all his others ‘cause nobody could stand living in the jungle for long. Sharon was Se ~=recommended, and the week after receiving the offer from said filmmaker, her stuff was in storage and she was on a plane to Belize. When the English guy packed up three months later, he left a collection of 17 animals people had donated for his films. “He told me to get rid of them,” says Sharon. “But I’d gotten extremely attached to the beasts, so | had this off- the-wall idea to start a zoo, since Belize didn’t have one. Everyone told me it wouldn’t work, that Belize didn’t have a population or economy big enough to support a zoo. | ignored them.” The zoo’s success was gradual, coming about mostly through word of mouth. “At first people were suspicious,” Sharon admits. “They were, like, ‘What is this weird American woman up to?’ But they were gradually turned around in their think- ing by their children. I’d made the zoo free to all Belizean schools and children. I’d give class tours on Wednesday, and I’d often see the same kids back on Saturday with their parents. So it was the children who really made the zoo happen—their enthusiasm.” It’s so cool that the zoo is free to kids, but since mostly children came at first, how on earth did Sharon manage to keep the place going? Who paid her salary? She laughs: “What salary? Until 1991, | made none. Every dime | raised, whether it was via fundraising in the US, writing grants, selling zoo T-shirts or leading nature tours, went right back into the zoo.” Sharon stops at the cage of a scar- PAGE 75 may sassy 67 Gathered, frilled or shirred tops—anything with an extra layer of fabric—will accentuate what you have. And, lucky for you, suits with padded bras are | especially fashionable this =. year—no joke. Anything velvet will also do you up nicely, since sun hitting it createsthe _ impression of bulk. Tango Rose has a lovely velvet bikini like the one below for $66. - Who needs a waist? No one, really, but a tank with a diagonal design or one with racing stripes down the sides—like the $58 Hot Coles suit rendered to the right—will give the . Upvnag me illusion of one, if that's what you want. And off-the-shoulder styles will make your waist seem tinier than you ever thought possible. _ Clearly those babies need all _ the support they can get. eee Luckily underwire suits are all over the stores (Daffy ae Waterwear makes the one above for $54), as are suits with cone-shaped cups, a la Madonna. If that’s too _wakilana for you, look for a te ee & oe: es built-in bra. And darker ve : colors will minimize your voluptuousness, if you so desire. ' Avoid suits with high-cut legs, unless you’re some kind of a rebel. Bathing suits _ with details like ‘bows or buttons near the top will keep eyes _ from traveling down to the nether regions. _ If you want to wear a pattern, make sure _ it’s aoa Bne, like 7 ee is a pi coentiouiartes | ee your : stomach ¢ to ohang 0 over r the el belly button and h ett es s “ietle elastic i in vit, like this one by Be FICTION _ alMods frien BY JOANNA WEBB Amy and | had ordered our food a while ago, but | didn’t mind waiting. | liked watching him work, racing around from the kitchen back to his tables. Sometimes | wanted to hate him, just to be different from everyone else, but | couldn't. | was just like the rest of the world, thinking he was special. Sean knew just when to smile, when to make a joke, when to look sincere. Before | introduced people to Sean, | would tell them how much they were going to like him. | wasn’t trying to brag about knowing him, or trying to color their opinion of him, | was just stating a fact. Afterward they would always agree. They would say | was lucky to have him as a friend. I'd explain that we weren’t really friends, not in my mind anyway, but it wasn’t worth it. No one would believe we were work for an hour. | would probably hold my breath until he was safely sitting at our table. Anything could happen in the next half hour—he could get asked to work late, change his mind about having the soda—the possibilities were endless. We never spent enough time together, especially if we were sup- posed to be so friendly. He sat behind me in precal- culus, our last class of the day. | hated precalculus, mostly because it felt weird to be the only junior in the class. | probably would have found some excuse to leave school early if it hadn’t been for Sean. Somehow, just knowing he would be there made the class bearable. He had strange blue eyes with green flecks in them, and he made me laugh. 4 What more could | ask for? Last night we studied really anything but the best of bud- To Sean, Il was just Katie, his hard for the test together. | dies. After a while | gave up had asked him if he wanted to trying to tell them we weren't. good buddy, who sacrificed having come over to my house, but | would just smile and not say onions on her pizza for him. he said he thought the library anything. The truth is, only he knew how things were between us; | was never really sure. “Hey, Katie, Amy. They’re sure taking their time on your order. Want me to see if | can get them to speed it up?” He had come up behind our booth and taken me by surprise. “Nah, that’s OK, we’re not in a big hurry,” | said, nonchalantly. He was oblivious to the real reason we came here at least three times a week. He grinned and hung over the back of our booth. “My shift ends in less than a half hour. If you’re still here, maybe | can have a Coke with you.” | heard Amy’s almost inaudible sigh. Yep, everybody loved Sean. We'd be here when he got through. We'd be here if he didn’t get off 70 may sassy was a better place. Afterward we went out for a pizza, no onions, and ended up talking for an hour in the parking lot, but the only thing he wanted to discuss was the math test. If he thought of me as anything more than a sister he didn’t let on. | looked for signs, like holding eye contact for a little longer than he had to, or maybe an unnecessary brush of my hand, but there weren’t any. Right before the test this morning, my stomach felt queasy. Mr. Harley, our teacher, passed out the mimeographed tests. | could smell the ink even from the other side of the room. God, | hated this class. A pencil poked me in the back. “Katie?” Mr. Harley, hearing the noise, announced, “The test is starting now, class,’ and continued to lay the papers, face down, on each desk. The poking resumed. “Katie?” Only Sean called me that, everyone else called me Kate. | stole a quick look behind me and wasn’t sorry | did. He gave me a big smile. “Good luck.” » PAGE 72 ILLUSTRATION: STEVE WACKSMAN te IGE ienrctaiee ee 8 p.m. saturday fb b ning surmmmer may lock 8 E.m. sunrise hist october gels sa ray june downpou oii ) 1 = sts surmm mer early n ember a.m. rain wir tions may Noon v april Not rollers early : Hoy rmist Moon | lary OCTOber rNnOr ecy. 29g june hairs. humicity wi ril 10 oO'c rill Crizzlee varying late mgnt | ‘idity Curlers rain ric Der afte =rcCising | po =rs cipril twilight mist Vv | : Ss Urn. wile =r vacation early mon aes october perms - twilight stress thursc — ( Cea geet Saas = Sa Be See —S—esSshsaseehrehe , 2 ee i a ae VIHINAO ‘df VW VITAL “TECOW VOINVC ‘OLOHd NEW YORK SANTA MONICA SAN FRANCISCO 212 496 2955 310 394 9690 415 861 NANA FOR MAIL ORDER CATALOG SEND 82.00 TO: NA NA DEPTS ime SRD ST SANTA MONICA CA 90401 ORDERS OR QDQVUESTIONES CALL: I SOO 347 4728 WHOLESALE INQUIRIES PLEASE PHONE: 1 310 394 S305 GENUINE NA NA DR. MARTENS ALSO AVAILABLE AT: HOT TOPIC-USA; UNITED SHOE-BELLFLOWER: FUTURE SHOCK- INDIANAPOLIS; AND OTHERS FROM COAST TO COAST 72 may sassy @PAGE70 ALMOST FRIENDS “So how'd you do on the test?” he asked a few days later at lunch, picking the onions off his burger. “!’'m not sure. OK, | guess. Maybe we could spend more time studying for the next one.” We didn’t have the same lunch hour, but | had study hall this hour and they weren’t too good about taking attendance. Hopefully, no one would notice that I’d taken an early lunch. | felt sort of guilty about skipping out but told myself that next year, after Sean had graduated, | would never miss another class. | Sean had reassembled his hamburger and was about to take a bite. “| just want to do well enough to graduate. Colleges hardly ever pay attention to your last semester if they’ve already accepted you.” | watched him chew as if it were the most fascinating thing in the world. He swallowed. “You probably don’t think I’m going to write you from college, do you?” “| know you won't.” “Katie —”’ “Don’t worry about it. Maybe when you come home at Christmas you can tell me about college life.” His eyes clouded for a minute, but he just nodded, like he under- stood. But what he said next told me that he didn’t. “?'m thinking of asking Amy to the prom. What do you think?” | felt something twist painfully inside me. | wanted to be away from him then, alone somewhere. A thousand things ran through my mind, but | said: “I think that’s great. I’m sure she’d love to go.” Did | sound calm? Did he know what he had done? | knew the anger was going to be gone soon and | tried to savor the power it gave me. Only someone | cared about this much could make me feel so bad. “Katie?” | looked away. “Katie, look at me. I’m sorry.” He knew. All along | thought he hadn’t known how | felt about him, but he had. | didn’t know what to say, but he did. “Katie, you’re my best friend.” “No, I’m not,” | mumbled. He reached across the table and took my hand. My anger was slipping and | tried to tighten my hold on it. “Please understand,” he said. ‘| don’t want you to be mad at me. You really are my best friend. I’ve just been afraid that you’d get the wrong idea if | spent too much time with you.” “So you’re going to take Amy to the prom?” | asked. “| think we'd have fun.” “And you and | wouldn't?” He looked away, still holding my hand, and said, “I just don’t think it'd be a good idea.” The bottom was falling out of my stomach. Sean was graduating next month and it would be all over. Now was my last chance. “Sean,” | said, pronouncing every word slowly and carefully, “do you suppose it will ever be a good idea?” He gently let go of my hand. “I don’t think so, Katie.” | didn’t hear from Sean until he came home from college for Christmas break. We went out for pizza (no onions) one afternoon. . He had a new girlfriend whom he was sort of serious with, but we didn’t talk about her much. Instead he wanted to hear about me— how | liked being on the yearbook staff, how | liked Mr. Harley’s cal- culus class and where | was going to college next year. We didn’t mention it, but | suppose he knew that | didn’t skip study hall anymore. Joanna Webb is a freelance writer living in Dallas who does not regret missing her senior prom. @PAGE54 YOU’RE SMART Right—linguistic and logical-mathematical. Unfair and misguided, yes, because if you’re gifted in the other five areas, tough noogies. For instance, I’d say Michal is strongest in interpersonal, intrapersonal and spatial intelligence, with some logical-mathematical smarts thrown in. She really likes psych and sociology, but she’s at a disadvantage because not being really brill linguistically, she’s less likely than some other students to ace an essay test. Unfortunately, our schools’ bias infects the entire education process. Like, even music and art classes frequently grade you via essays about why Mozart was great or on filling in the blanks with the names of who did which painting. But just because you're really good at art doesn’t mean you can express things about it verbally. It’s comparing apples and oranges. You need to do art and make music. (Incidentally, Howie objects to calling some of these things “skills” as opposed to “intelligences.” Our tendency is to call peo- ple with strength in math, science and English “intelligent,” but people who are brilliant at art or gym or dealing with others are “talented” or “skillful” at those things. Ick. Skill is inherently a less impressive word than intelligence, which just reinforces the idea that some smarts are more valu- able than others.) A school where everyone is smart Howard’s dream school would de-empha- size multiple-choice tests (yay!) and be adaptable to the different ways all of us learn. It would be like a children’s museum, really hands-on. First, you and the school would figure out what your intellectual strengths were. Then, for instance, in histo- ry class, logical-math types could focus on statistical analysis (say, how many people in India are in each caste) rather than reading long narratives; spatial types could study maps, fashion and architecture as a way of figuring out a culture’s values. You'd all make repeated trips to theaters and aquari- ums and stuff (instead of pointless one-shot field trips) so you could work on a continu- ing study of how the little horseshoe crab procreates or how an actor and director develop a monologue. Your music class would write a symphony, not just listen to and critique one. Howard also digs the idea of apprenticeships; that is, doing internships or working with a mentor in a field you find cool. Alas, there are still no totally Ml-theory- based high schools in the country. However, the educational powers that be are starting to listen to Howard, and there are a number of schools that teach at least in part according to his theories. For instance, the Pittsburgh public school sys- tem has this program called Arts PROPEL, which stresses Howie-influenced education in the arts. And a few elementary schools around the country are also heavy into it. Play up your genius this second This whole idea of getting schools to play to your strengths and not force everyone into linguistic and logical molds is very neat. If your school knew and appreciated what you were truly good at, you’d feel better about being there and about yourself. And in the real world, stuff like leadership abili- ty, being able to get along with your coworkers and figuring out the competi- tion are way more important than some arbitrary number on a test. Not everyone in every field needs incredible verbal or math gifts. (That isn’t to say these are bad if you happen to be blessed with them—just that if you have a less traditionally appreci- ated intelligence, you should be encouraged to revel in it.) The key here is to figure out what you enjoy and do well, then use that self-awareness to find career options that delight you. Make it your responsibility to take charge of your mind—don’t passively leave it up to your teachers. So | highly recommend that you pursue some sassy self-education. Many of you do this already, through extracurrics, volun- teer work, classes you’re in for fun outside of school. Such as: Take a figure-drawing or hip-hop aerobics class at the Y. Start a fund-raising drive for Greenpeace or a Future Mango Growers of America club and do all the publicity yourself. Get an after-school job selling ads for a teensy local paper. Get an internship at a TV sta- tion, animal shelter, law firm or weather center. Design and make some earrings. Teach yourself Spanish so you can make Antonio Banderas fall in love with you if you ever meet him. Frolic among the Bunsen burners as a research assistant for a chem professor. Say hi to the Picassos at the museum. Go to all the brain-tickling movies, political rallies, concerts and plays you can. Start a zine or form a band. If you concentrate on making your brain a happy, involved thing and treating what goes on in the classroom as only one fac- tor in getting you there, you will eventually get revenge on the narrow, uncreative dweeblets who ace multiple-choice tests but couldn’t cross the Street of Life if there was a hot meal waiting for them on the other side. @) ADVERTISEMENT WHERE IT’S AT Check out this column to find out where to buy all the groovy stuff in SASSY this month! ATLANTIC, PG. 8: Tori Amos, “Little Earthquakes.” Available at your favorite music store. ISLAND/POLYGRAM, PG. 10: PM. Dawn, available at your favorite music store. ESPRIT, PG. 12, 13: For more information please call: from inside the 415 area code — | (415) 648-6900 X4400, or from outside the (415) area code — | (800) 777-8765. CABOODLES, PG. 15: Kmart; Woolworth; Jamesway; Walgreen; Fred Meyer; Target; Hills; Osco American Drug Stores; Pay-N-Save; Caldor; Drug Emporium; Wal-Mart; Roses; Payless Drug; Shopko; Venture; F&M; JC Penney; Bradlees; Phar Mor; Genovese; Thrift Drug; J. Eckerd Drug Co.; Longs; Revco. BONGO, PG. 23: Abraham & Strauss (NY, NJ); Bloomingdale's (MA? NJ, NY); Body Shop (AL, FL, GA); The Bon Marche (WA); Bullocks (CA); Burdines (FL); Canadians (CT, NJ, NY); Contempo Casuals; County Seat; Dillard's (AR, AZ, OK, TX); Ivey's (FL, NC, SC); Jay Jacobs (CA, OR, WA); Jordan Marsh (CT, MA, RI); Lamonts (AK, OR, WA); Lazarus (IN, OH); Liberty House (HI); Macy's (CA, DC, FL, GA, Nj, NY); Parisian Co. (AL, GA); Rich's (GA); Urban Outfitters (DC, MA, NY, PA); Vanity Shops; Weinstock’s (CA); Wet Seal (CA); ZCMI (UT); Denim Mine (NY); Maison Blanche (LA, FL). - CHATTEM SUN IN, PG. 27: Available at local food, drug or discount stores. ELEKTRA, PG. 38: “They Might Be Giants,’ available at all record stores. EPIC/SONY, PG. 40: Social Distortion “Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell,” available at your favorite music store. EVERYTHING IN THIS STORY IS LIGHT BLUE, PG. 48: Left: Dress from selected Benetton stores. Right: Top from Lucine Almas. Skirt from Esprit | (800) 777-8765. PG. 49: Shirt to order from the Century Hotel (305) 674-8855. Shorts from Lucine Almas. PG. 50: Seated, top and briefs from Barneys New York (NYC); Carolyn Lamb (Coconut Grove, FL); and Fred Segal (L.A.). Bodysuit from selected dept. and specialty stores. PG. 51: Shirt from Benjamins (Corpus Christi, TX); US. Male (Memphis, TN); and Cote DAzur (Miami, FL). PG. 52: Left, dress from Bloomingdale's; and selected dept. and specialty stores. Right: Shirt from JC. Penney; Kohl's (Midwest); and The Broadway (L.A.). Shorts from Bloomingdale's; and selected dept. and specialty stores. PG. 53: Dress from Esprit | (800) 777-8765. THERE’S A SWIMSUIT FOR EVERYONE, PG. 68: Far left, two-piece from The Broadway (L.A.); Macy's (Atlanta); Bullocks; and Dillard's. Center: Bikini from Daffy Waterwear. Right: Maillot from Hot Coles. PG. 69: Far left: One-piece from The Broadway (L.A.); Dayton Hudson (MN); and G. Fox (CT). Center: Bikini from Body Glove. Far right: Swimsuit from Body Options (Northern CA); Diane's (Southern CA); and Canadian Fur Trappers (N)J). NANA, PG. 72: For mail order information, call | (800) 347-4728. SASSY/STUMPS PROM CONTEST SPONSORS, PG. 74: Maybelline: Available at a store near you. Bill Levkoff- For the location of the store nearest you, please write: Bill Levkoff, 1385 Broadway, New York, NY 10018 or call |-800-LEVKOFF. Mennen Teen Spirit; Available at local food, drug or discount stores. Special Occasions by Saugus Shoes; Available in fine stores everywhere. For the store nearest you, call (6!7) 231-2865. Sire: Available at TOWER RECORDS and any other stores that dare to carry the hippest music. Sassaby: Available at Caldor; Target; Hook Drugs; Arbor Drugs; Snyder Drug Stores; Venture; Lechters; J. Eckerd Drug Co; Osco American Drug Stores; Toys 'R Us; Drug Emporium, Wal-Mart; Ultra 3; Spencer Gift; Prangeway; Longs; Big B; Perry; Thrift Drug; Ames; Thrifty; Genovese; Payless Drug; Bed, Bath and Beyond. Call | (800) 833-1342. Zum Zum: Available at Burdines (selected stores); Canadians (selected stores); Cummings (selected stores); Dillard's (selected stores); Expressions (Massapequa, NY); Hecht Co. (selected stores); Jacqueline's (Oswego, NY); Jordan Marsh (selected stores); Kaufmans (selected stores); Lord & Taylor (selected stores); Macy's S.F. (San Francisco, CA) (selected stores); Margos (selected stores); Milton's (St. Paul, MN); Nordstrom (selected stores); Nu Chic (Long Island, NY); JC Penney (selected stores); Pzaz (Long Island, NY); Stern's (selected stores); Switzer's (selected stores); Tamara Stores (selected stores); Thalhimers (selected stores); The Bon Marche (selected stores); Woodward & Lothrop (selected stores); Windsor Fashions (selected stores). SWATCH, BACK COVER: Abraham & Strauss; Bon Ton; The Bon Marche; Boscovs; Burdines; Broadway/Broadway SW; Bergner & Co,; Bloomingdale's; Bullocks; Dayton/Hudson/Marshall Field; Dillard's; Emporium Capwell; Foley's; Famous Barr; Filenes; Fortunoff; G. Fox; Hecht Co,; Jordan Marsh; Kaufmann Dept. Stores; LS Ayres; Lazarus; Liberty House; Maas Brothers; Macy's; May (OH); May (L.A.); May D&F; Meier & Frank; Pranges; Richs; Robinsons. WHAT’S GOING ON YO! What's Un? Look for the TUP “In, Out, Un" survey in the June SASSY to let the folks at TUP know what you think. Just fill it out and send it in. Tell your friends to look for the 7UP Un Survey, too! ii | | ADVERTISEMENT | TIME TO DO SOME SASSY SHOPPING WITH | : SHOPARAMA AND STEALS & DEALS Oh, joy! This is SO cool. Not only are our very generous advertisers once again offering you guys incredible STEALS & DEALS, but this month, we bring you THE FIRST EVER SHOPARAMAIT!!!! | | - SHOPARAMA Check it out: If frenzied A.M. make-up searches are a way of life, COSMEPAK’s Tray Chic Cosmetic Organizer is your. friend. It holds just about every little beauty thang you've got: lipsticks, eyeliners, compacts, bottles* galore, AND it has handy pop-up fingers to hold hair accessories and rings. Tray Chic also has an easy-carry handle so you can take it anywhere, it’s tres easy to clean and it comes with a lifetime war- ranty. What more could a girl ask for? Just this: it’s made from | recyclable materials! To get one of your very own, flee to a dis- count or drug store near you. TAMPAX: Try TAMPAX® Comfort Shaped Flushable Applicator Tampons® The applicator tip is rounded, so it’s comfortable and made of cardboard so it’s flushable and biodegradable. Tampax Comfort Shaped Flushable Applicator Tampons are as kind to your body as they are to the earth. For a free sample, circle #1. EASTPAK: Boyfriends come. And boyfriends go. But EASTPAK backpacks will stay by your side. Because, unlike boys, they come with a lifetime guarantee against defects. EASTPAK’s new poster reminds us that finding the perfect backpak is so much easier than finding the perfect guy! For your very own 18""x24" EASTPAK poster, send $1.50 for postage and circle #2. NA NA: Get the NA NA mail order catalog so you can order the funkiest footwear around! Dial | (800) 347-4728 for orders or questions. Send $2.00 for the catalog and sticker. Circle #3. INSTANT CALIFORNIA SUNSHINE!: Malibu Musk by Parfums de Coeur is totally different from any other musk. Malibu’s fresh, clean scent makes you feel like you’re walking on a Califarnia beach. For a special trial-size .5-oz. fragrance body spray, send $.50 for postage and circle #4. SASSY MAGAZINE: Get a one-year subscription to the coolest magazine for just $9.97. Circle #5 — we'll bill you later. SASSY MAGAZINE: Get a one-year subscription to SASSY for just $9.97. Circle #6 if payment is enclosed. Please circle the numbers below which correspond to the the advertisers’ information or products you wish to receive. : 2 3 4 5 8 $1.50 $2.00 $.50 $9.97 Please mail your envelope and your payment to: SASSY Steals & Deals P.O. Box 1851 Church Hill, MD 21690 Make your check or money order (U.S. currency only) payable to SASSY Magazine. ADD $1.00 FOR HANDLING. (Remember, no cash or stamps, please.) You’ll receive the offering directly from the advertiser. NAME: ADDRESS: CITY: STATE: ZIP: Offer expires September 30, 1992 ADVERTISEMENT o won the hippest, ost colossally groovy prgm this year? OH, what a month we've had. Every day our faithful postman came bearing bagfuls of goodies from you guys. We tead, watched and listened ... . and in the end, we chose our faves and went to sleep. THE SASSY / STUMPS PROM CONTEST WINNERS!!! (drumroll, please) . . . For most groovacious, original, creative, and FUN entries, the winners are: JESSICA GOODMAN RIGBY of Pennsylvania Jessica, who won the individual prom date contest, has planned the grooviest prom night with her date. In Jessica’s words,“ . . you can serve us peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in one of those port-0-potties and we'd have a blast.” Sorry, Jessica, port-O-potties aren’t part of the deal. But we think you can manage with a limo for the evening from Mennen, a dress from Zum Zum, 5 pairs of Saugus shoes, dinner for 2 from Bill Levkoff, 4 Sire cassettes, $100 worth of make-up from Maybelline, and a Sassaby make- up kit! and:.. CONCORD HIGH SCHOOL of Delaware The Concord High School Prom Committee, including Andrea, Fred, Mike, Traci, Lauren, Julie, John and Mom sent us a video version of their nutty prom theme — “TOPSY TURVY.” The whole prom will be upside-down. According to these guys, this is what life’s like after high school ... so they’te getting ready. And STUMPS will be helping them with $5,000 worth of merchandise from their catalog! And .. . for best supporting entries, the runners-up are: individual contest committee contest. Florence Felix of New York Toms River North of New Jersey Melanie Ludig of Oklahoma Portola High School of California Jennifer Schaller of Pennsylvania Highland High School of Indiana Sarah Catlin of Missouri Rosewood High School of North Carolina Cathy Counselman of Massachusetts Northeast High School of Florida All get a gift basket filled with goodies — Each of these schools will receive gift certif- from the sponsors you see on this page, —_icates worth $200 toward STUMPS plus a pair of Saugus shoes! merchandise to decorate their prom. Check out “Where It’s At’” to find out where to get all the nifty products on this page. ° GOEL w lady speed stick" Desanedd bv VE RONICT CIKONE a By iy i i J } dF Fe j t { 3m FE: Re, Ce ; yy # 72.4 bs Fie! | a = ee SR RY SEER SEY ONE PARTY PLACE ZUMZUM a a America’s Decorating Leader for 66 Years Congrats! Have the hippest, most colossally groovy proms ever!!! @ PAGE 47 THE PERFECT BOY jacket, jeans and boots, and has beautiful blue puppy-dog eyes and appealingly con- trasting black hair that flops in his face. Oh yeah, he also has an Indian spirit guide only he can see. The dating scenario: Well, you'd go to a lot of movies together (though Ed’s so religious about the art of film he’d never cuddle during one). You’d learn that Ed seems slow only because he’s totally uncynical and unironic (which in my bitter little world could actually be very refresh- ing). Gag on it maybe, but the guy has a childlike sense of wonder. He’s not a big talker or questioner—he just accepts things (like the appearance of that Indian guide). He’d never, ever yell at you or put you down. He’d point out the beauty of nature. He’d be endearingly awkward. He has no parents, and he’d really bring out that mothering instinct in you. You'd want to feed him, and he’d eat whatever you made, even if you burned it. However, as | said, Ed appeals to me least of the three, and not just because when we made the actor who plays him, Darren E. Burrows, a “One to Watch” last year (Christina got his photo in the mail and wrote, “Serious ‘One to Watch’ action, ohmigod, EEEEE!” on it), his publi- cist promised us an exclusive photo and then gave the exact same one to YM. He’s simply not verbal or intense enough, and it really bothers me that he acts like he has the intelligence of a fern when he doesn't. So despite others at Sassy finding him the most luscious, nuh-uh. Now the science of creating the perfect guy: Take Chris’s soul, creativity, nose, poetry and legs. Combine with Joel’s nice crackly voice, ability to do repartee, cyni- cism, stability and adorable crinkly eyed smile. Add Ed’s innocence, kindness, all- around gentle beauty and leather jacket. This way you get a boy you could take to the prom and get other girls drooling and who would definitely not get drunk and puke on anyone (the Ed elements), a boy you could go to a Cocteau Twins concert or an avant-garde art gallery with (the Chris elements) and a boy who would write funny letters to you when you were abroad that you’d cherish forever and who'd take you on a bundled-up-together- in-a-blanket trip through a park in a horse and buggy (the Joel elements). Tasty. PS. | didn’t even mention Adam, the reclu- sive, raging, pathologically lying gourmet chef/Sasquatch who lives in the woods outside Cicely. He’s hot too. 3) | the mess.” @ PAGE 67 THE ONLY ZOO... let macaw, a kind of parrot. She tells me the flaming red birds used to be caught for pets and were also almost extinct until Belize declared hunting them illegal. Moving on, we pass two huge birds, snow white with bright red and yellow heads—kind of like baboons with wings. | read the sign: king vultures Rex and Tex. Yuck, | think, vul- tures. Preying on the dead. Normally they give me the creeps, but these are beautiful. | read the rest of the sign: “Besides looking good, we do good things too. When ani- mals get old and die or get hit by cars on the road, we vultures come by and clean up | must admit, | never thought of them that way. After visiting the howler and spider mon- keys (total comedians and, no offense to the other zoo dwellers, my favorites), Sharon introduces me to April the tapir, Belize’s national animal and the zoo’s kinda goofy-looking mascot. Also called “moun- tain cows,” tapirs are in fact related to the horse. Their long snouts are used for snarf- ing up foliage, although until Sharon opened the zoo most people in Belize thought they were used for skinning men alive. “Changing attitudes, that’s really been the biggest effect,” says Sharon, who’s come up with some pretty novel ways of shifting percep- tions. “It was hard with tapirs—I| mean, grown men would claim to have seen peo- ple skinned alive. But | organize a yearly birthday party for April, with a clown and hats and everything, and all the kids in the country are invited. They’re shown that April is a vegetarian, and you can’t help but see how gentle she is.” | remember how I’d always believed gorillas to be King Kong-esque mankillers until | took physical anthropology in col- lege and learned that they are actually the gentlest of creatures—far gentler than humans. A zoo like Sharon’s would have cured me of that misconception a lot sooner. Or a book like Hoodwink the Owl, which Sharon published in 1983 and donat- ed to Belize’s grammar schools. She wrote it to make the animals of Belize into char- acters you’d care about and therefore want to protect. “I used to visit local schools to give nature talks, and | got to see the textbooks kids were reading,” Sharon tells me. “All of them were, like, ancient, and from England! So here’s kids living in one of the richest areas for wildlife in Central America and they’re learning about rabbits in the UK! They never even saw any of the nature films made here— those went to England and ®PAGE 80 Yo! Words to live EXERGY TRUTH, VISION, \ ENERGY, FAITH - in forest green, teal blue, SON] | rose, dirt brown, gold or black -your choice: one word, one color. White 100% cotton _ heavy t-shirts: short sleeve (L, XL, XXL/$10) - long sleeve (M, L, XL/$12). Free shipping! mail check or m.o. to: Planet Maine Graphics P.O. Box 931, Belfast, ME 04915 [YOU'RE GRADUATING! 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We expertly engrave two sets of initials inside FREE | and every ring comes with a 100% money-back guarantee! | 0 14K Gold Overlay ........$19.95 (plus $1.00 S&H) 1 Solid Sterling Silver ...... 29.95 (plus $1.00 S&H) ‘ (Matching 2 stone pendant & chain just $9.95 | Send with Check or M.O.to: S, ROUND'S INC. Box 702-SA2, Greenville, RI 02828 For Visa/Mastercard and C.O.D. orders call | TOLL FREE 1-800-354-RING “2asiein Time_| Engraved Initials & BOYS! The guy you want can be yours. Here's how. ere's how the boy you want can be Nese You're going to find out how to get him to notice you and pay special attention to you, instead of the other girls. How to tell whether he's interested. How to talk to him -- even if you're shy. How to get him to make the first move. How to get him to call you and ask you out. How to hold on to him. But wait. There's lots more. It's al! in a great new how-to book. I've got a stack of them, ready to mail out. | can't wait to send you one. When you get it, here's what you'll find out: BOYS! BOYS! BOYS! How to attract boys. This surprisin secret has nothing to do with your look or popularity. (Chapter 3.) How to catch anyone's attention -- anytime, anywhere. (Page 23.) How to get a guy to call you. Seven special words you should always tell a guy when you give him your phone number. (Page 43.) How talking to a boy you're NOT interested in can help you go with the boy you ARE interested in. (Page 21.) The right look to attract boys. (Chapter 6.) When ag Aaa WON'T help you attract boys. What kinds of clothes will. (Page 19. Is a guy interested in you? Here's how you can tell. (Chapter 8.) Tne big mistake almost every gir! makes witn guys. (Page 6.) How to get the boy you want away from the other girls Are other girls after the guy you want? If you want to be the one that ace him, you HAVE to read Chapter 14. ollow this advice, and the other girls won't have a chance. , Is there a guy you want to meet, but don't know how? Check out this list of seven great ways. Number 4 is the best. You'll see why. (Page 26.) What you should never tell a guy. Or you'll ruin your chances with him. (Page 29.) ‘a UY ~ ~~ ° How to get rid of shyness fast! (Chapter 10.) Should you play hard to get? Or not? The answer will surprise you. (Page 13.) What you don't know CAN hurt you. Find out in Chapter 4. SEES - Want to meet lots of hunks from other schools? And be able to pick EXACTLY the ones you want? | know you'll have a lot of fun with this plan. (Page 58.) And then there's page 55. This is so sneaky that they told me | should keep it secret. But it works so well that | had to tell you. Use it on a guy and he'll be dying for you to call. He might even show up at your house! This trick is so easy -- but not even one out of 100 girls Knows it. But YOU will! All this and much more is in a cool new how-to book. You'll be able to get a boyfriend easier and faster than you ever imagined. It's new -- and it works! This isn't the same old stuff everybody knows. None of that "smile and be friendly" baloney. It's a lot better than that. Eighteen eye-opening chapters crammed with excellent ideas. Powertul stuff that most girls don't know about. Secrets that will help you get the boy you want -- while all the other girls sit there wondering what happened. Best of all, you can start using these secrets right away -- as soon as you finish reading the book. Someone's going to get the boy you want. And it might as well be you. So you can either let someone else grab him -- or you can make him yours. If you're sick of watching the other girls get all the cute boys, here's your chance. Now it's your turn to have some fun. Just give it a try -- and you can get the boy you want. But hey, don't take my word for it yet. Check it out yourself for a whole month. If it doesn't work for you, send back the book, and you'll get oe money back. You've got nothing to ose. But -- you know what? Out of the first 100 girls who got this book, not even one sent it back. Not one. That's how well it works. Here's the deal. You can't get this book in any store or library. You can Only get it by mail. Just send the coupon with $10. I'll mail out the book to you right away, in a plain package. I'm not asking you to believe me yet. Just give it a try. Give me a chance to show you how easy it can be. You'll be glad you did. If I'm wrong, it won't cost you anything to find out. But what if I'm right? Do it now -- before some other girl Litre pty Someone's going to get the boy you want, and it mig t as well be you. does and steals YOUR guy away from you. Free extra gift P.S.: Send for your book now and you'll also get my special FREE list of six excellent places to meet new boys. First come, first served But don't wait too long. | only have enough books for one out of every 100 girls who read this magazine. First come, first served. Don't miss out on this. Get the book, "Getting Boys This Easy Isn't Fair!" now -- before it's too late. ©1991 PH Cn ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee ee Party Hearty White Flint Mall 4-G fl P.O. Box 2245 Kensington, MD. 20891-2245 1 Hey! | can't wait! Send me "Getting Boys This Easy i f Isn't Fair!" plus "Six Great Places to Meet Guys" in a § i plain package. Here's $10. Money back guarantee. F i PRINT Name F Address fi City State Zip i Fes cee SS A c°°#IEDLLE SUE UE gE OS = i i) i if i] ee en ee ees ee + esmemeee see a TTS ETL SELES At tt AN i ESS SS SS SESS SS ASRS GTS SS ns a te NE SY AEST Go, I Make a career out of I your love of animals! E in animal care/veterinary assistance... helps you give your own pet top care, too. School of Animal Science: Dept. CF201 E 2245 Perimeter Park + Atlanta, GA 30341 ‘Gees BOOKLET: 404-451-2300 Te Me pe oe gw | | qjge@erti Al Nag a ll rg tle rg pga BE A PARALEGAL! America’s finest home study paralegal program. i | Attorney instructed, nationally recognized. FREE CATALOG: 404-451-2300. Name —— j Address_ | City State Zip i The School of Paralegal Studies, Dept LF201 i 2245 Perimeter Park, Atlanta, Georgia 30341 Home study prepares you for great jobs j ‘ should finish high school American School has helped adults finish High School at home since 1897. Diploma Awarded. Write today for information. AMERICAN SCHOOL, Dept.130 850 E. 58th St., Chicago, IL 60637 Please send FREE Brochure. name age address city state zip Phone Free 1-800-228-5600 : Celebrating our 21st. versary with 2 ag reduced camp rates! There's really NO comparison! The leader in weight-loss camping. Co-ed and all girls camps, ages 10-17 yrs. Separate young adult division ages 18-25 years. 2,3,4,7, & 8 week sessions available. Nationwide follow-up program. Locations coast-to- coast. Color brochure mailed on request. CALL TOLL-FREE 800-223-5600 Weight Watchers Camps * P.O. Box 235, New York, NY 10156-0235 KX. Operated by Specialty Camps International, Inc. 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(or...juSt look like one) « Call or write NOW, and we'll send you a free color poster plus you'll get the latest news in the oh-so-hot world of modeling and a free book telling how you can gain the poise, confidence, and popularity of a Barbizon model. Send coupon to The Barbizon Information Center or Call Today (407) 362-8883 THE BARBIZON INFO. CENTER, Dept. S2 1900 Glades Road, Suite 300, Boca Raton, FL 33431 name age. ~—S—ds~phone ( ) “areacode § | address __ city state zip TONY SPARBER'S - Owned and x x directed by Tony & Dale Sparber Weight-Loss Camp r WEIGHT LOSS, SELF-ESTEEM AND FUN! All with the“personal touch”. e Co-ed 8-18 yrs e Supervised by resident medical and dietary Staff * East-coast location e 1, 2, 4, & 7 week sessions For color brochure or to set up an in-home visit, call toll-free ]-800-365-0556 Or write: P.O. 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ADDRESS CITY $C22 THE ART INSTITUTES 526 Penn Avenue, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania 15222, USA ADVERTISEMENT “WHEN I SEE MY EX-BOYFRIEND, I HAVE THIS SECRET TRICK I PLAY ON HIM...” Did you ever notice that when you’re fat, men don’t look you in the eye? They look across your shoulder. There’s no eye contact. My name is Leslie McClennahan. I’m a real person. I live near Goose Creek, South Carolina. Up until two years ago, I was never looked in the eye. By anyone. I was falling asleep by 8 o'clock most evenings. When I did go out for an evening, my boyfriend was ashamed of me. And said so to my face. When I walked, my thighs brushed together. I couldn’t even cross my legs. I was fat. Not just ‘‘overweight’’ Fat. I was 5’5”’ tall and weighed 205 pounds. About 18 months ago, my boyfriend Darrell left a ‘‘Dear Leslie’’ letter and broke off our relationship. I went for counseling. I knew that my weight was the source of my troubles. But I'd tried 14 different diets. One by one. And I failed at all of them. My counselor listened carefully and recommended an entirely different program. This wasn’t a ‘‘diet:’ It was a unique new weight-loss program researched by a team of bariatric physicians—specialists who treat the severely obese. The program itself was developed by Robert Johnson, M.D. of Charleston, South Carolina. I entered the program on October 2nd. Within the first four days, I lost only three pounds. So I was disappointed. But during the three weeks that followed, my weight began to drop. Rapidly. Within the next 193 days, I went from 205 pounds to 124 pounds. To me it was a miracle. This was the first time in my life I’d ever lost weight and kept tt off? The reason the program worked was simple. I was afways eating. I could eat six times every day. So I never felt deprived. Never hungry. I could snack in the after- noon. Snack before dinner. I could even snack at night while I was watching T.V. How can you eat so much and still lose weight? The secret is not in the amount of food you eat. It’s in the prescribed combination of foods you eat in each 24-hour period. Nutri- tionally dense portions of special fiber, un- refined carbohydrates, and certain proteins that generate a calorie-burning process that continues all day long... a complete 24-hour fat-reduction cycle. Metabolism is evened out, so fat is burned away around the clock. Not just in unhealthy spurts like many diets. That’s why it lets you shed pounds so easily. Without hunger. Without nervousness. by Leslie McClennahan And it’s all good wholesome food. No strange foods. You'll enjoy a variety of meats, chicken, fish, vegetables, potatoes, pasta, sauces—plus your favorite snacks. Even some light wine or beer if you wish. This new program must be the best kept secret in America. Because, up until now, it’s only been available to doctors. No one else. In fact, The Charleston Program has been used by 207 doctors in the U.S. and Canada to treat more than 62,500 patients. So it’s doctor-tested. And proven. This is the first time it’s been available to the public. There are other benefits too... > There are no amphetamines. No drugs of any kind. > No pills. No powders. No chalky tasting drinks to mix. > There’s no strenuous exercise program. > You don’t count calories. Just follow the program. It’s easy. > There are no daily charts or records to keep. > You eat foods you enjoy. Great variety. Great taste. > You can dine out. > There’s much less fluid retention. > There’s no ketosis. No bad breath odor. But ere’s the best part... Once you lose the weight, you’ll keep it off. Permanently! I guarantee it! Let’s face it. We all have ‘‘eating lifestyles:’ Our eating habits usually include three meals a day. Plus two or three snacks. We all love snacks. Especially at night. But most diets try to force us to change all that. And that’s why they fail! The Charleston Program lets you continue your normal eating lifestyle. You can eat six times a day. You can snack when you wish. So, when you lose the weight, you can keep it off. For good. Because no one’s forcing you to change. Here are some other patients from South Carolina who entered Dr. Johnson’s program with me. Marie C. is a 42-year-old woman who went from 167 to 139 pounds in just three and a half months. As I got into the program, I began to feel betier, to develop more energy. Now my husband has trouble keeping up with me—in every way! I’m proud of my new body. Dr. Karl D. is a 36-year-old man who went from 275 to 145 in only six months! ...Words cannot describe how good I feel. I'm not hungry or tired at all. I feel alive again! Fran H. is a 52-year-old woman who went from 223 to 135 in five months. The world treats you differently when you're fat... not just the social world, but the business world. My whole world has changed since getting those 88 pounds off! Josette C. is a 33-year-old woman who went from 165 to 119 in four months. My husband bas started looking at me the way be did before we got married. He’s starting to show jealousy when other men look at me or want to talk to me... it’s wonderful. And then there’s me. Whenever I see my ex-boyfriend, I have this secret trick I play on him. I know a restaurant where he goes with some of his ‘‘puddies:’ I love to go there with a date—I have plenty now—stroll past his table and whisper, ‘‘Hello, Darrell’’ I know through the ‘‘grapevine’’ that his friends often ask about me... Who am I?... Am I single? And he has to tell them. I love it. Obviously I’m excited about the program. This is the first time it’s been available out- side of a clinical setting. Dr. Johnson has asked Green Tree Press, Inc. to distribute it. We'll be happy to send you the program to examine for 35 days. Show it to your doctor. Try it. There’s no obligation. In fact, your check won’t be cashed for 31 days. You may even post date it 31 days in advance if you wish. Choose a day and start the program. If you don’t begin losing weight within five days—and continue losing weight—we'll promptly return your original uncashed check. No delays. No excuses. Or keep it longer. Try it for six months. Even then, if you’re not continuing to lose weight on a regular basis, you’ ll receive a full refund. Promptly. And without question. This is the fairest way we know to prove to you how well this new program works. To order, just send your name, address and postdated check for $12.95 (plus $3.00 shipping/handling) to The Charleston Pro- gram, c/o Green Tree Press, Inc., Dept. 242, 3603 West 12th Street, Erie, Pa. 16505. Green Tree Press is a member of the Erie, Penn- sylvania Chamber of Commerce. Bank and business references are available upon request. ©1992 Green Tree Press, Inc. STUFF YOU WroTe A swing is a piece of freedom on a leash. Kerry Czerwinski, New Lenox, IL Have you ever noticed that the word stud contains the acronym STD? Lizzie Walker, Puyallup, WA What do you call obscene? Opinions that may be radical —or just different. Pictures you don’t like. Pictures you don’t want. Images you are afraid of. Freedom is stifled. Ideas are ignored. You don’t agree with him or with her. You decide to censor to judge to pronounce one artist’s interpretation of life irrelevant. what if they arrested me for your what if you had just said yes? Jennifer Foree, what if i asked you to go out ona what if you went into a paroxysm what if you laughed so hard you fell what if your head exploded on what if i ran away crying? what if the police came to my © I can be your friend Not your diary I can keep your date with me? secrets of laughter? I can hear you and down? I can listen I can shed light impact? what if i was found guilty and sentenced to life imprisonment? house? sets murder? Falk to me Not at me ' Fern A. Ray a Lake, BC, Canada Grandview, MO Attention, class! Today’s creative writing assignment: Find three poems published in the New Yorker five years ago. Combine the first stanzas of each. Change the “‘he’’s to “she’’s. Put your name on it. Send it to YM. Now write something original and send it to me, Andrea T., Stuff You Wrote, Sassy, 230 Park Ave., New York, NY 10169. @PAGE75 THE ONLY ZOO... America, where people could sit on their couches eating nachos and sighing over the shameful deforestation of Central America. And the people who live here haven’t got a clue.” Fearless as Sharon seems to be, | can’t help but wonder: Did it ever get lonely or scary? Did she ever want to quit? It couldn’t have been easy being a single for- eign woman with zero moolah trying to start a Zoo—not to mention living all alone in a remote, indoor-plumbing-free thatched hut. | think of all the stupid junk that can make me feel sorry for myself—no boyfriend, a big zit, too much work. What gets to this woman? Does she ever wake up in the morning and not want to get out of bed? Does she even have a bed? Sharon laughs: “Yeah, it was very hard for a long time, and sometimes | didn’t think | could handle it anymore. | came down as a single woman to spend six months to a year here, and then all of a sudden I’m sur- rounded by this huge commitment. Sure, | got lonely in the beginning, but I’ve definite- ly seen myself grow as far as realizing that sometimes we make too many judgments in the immediate sense—' feel lonely,’ or ‘I ‘wish | had a boyfriend’—those are all immediate. And the important thing for 80 may Sassy me during those times is not to lose sight of the overall objective—you know, to make the zoo what it should be: a very dynamic learning center in Central America. Because that forest is going fast, and the animals we’re trying to save now will be extremely endangered in the next 15 to 20 years. “Things are pretty relative too, you know. | find being in an American city scari- er than living way back here in the woods. The lifestyle is very, very basic, but it’s also romantic. | love getting up at 5:00 AM with the birds. It’s peaceful.” Sharon says things started to turn around for the zoo in 1985. The staff has grown from just her to I|4 people, so there’s more time for Sharon to get involved in some of the bigger environ- mental problems facing Belize—like limit- ing real estate development on a nearby island where lobster spawn. “I must say, back when | was collecting bugs | never thought I’d end up developing communica- tion skills so | could give speeches and walk the halls of government to petition politicians,” says Sharon. That may not be as obviously glam or fun as cuddling ani- mals, but her knack for getting suit-wear- ing types to believe in her and cough up bucks and donate land for preservation is what has really saved animals. Those inter- personal skills (hi, Margie) are also what got the Wildlife Preservation Trust inter- ested enough to provide the additional money needed to complete the new Belize Zoo and Tropical Education Center (which officially opened April 10). Sharon fairly busts a gut describing it: A few miles from the present one, it will have 15 more acres. The enclosures will be much, much bigger, there will be educational trails, a zoo camp for local kids and a biology sta- tion with dormitories for researchers from around the world. “It'll give the feeling of being more in the wild,” says Sharon. “The Zoo’s going to evolve and grow and there’s going to be more cooperation and collabo- ration among zoos in Central America. It’s perfect! And to think that it all started from this little collection of |7 animals and chicken wire. Amazing.” Well, not so amazing once you’ve met Sharon. A tirelessly selfless crusader like her could really get on ones’s nerves. But one cool thing about Sharon is that she’s inspirational without making you feel like a lazy, egocentric lout in comparison. After spending a day with her, I’m all excited about the best parts of me and ready to pick up that knife of righteousness. Pre- menstrual bloat? Never heard of it. x But even the sun Ever thought about getting into modeling? Well, here’s your chance to not Join us on a journey, if you will, into the heart of darkness known as publishing. For one stress-filled month this summer, you could help create the THIRD ANNUAL ALL-READER-PRODUCED ISSUE of Sassy. Here’s what happens: You send in your entry, we choose our four top editors and two art directors, and they pick who gets to write, photograph, style and model for the December 1992 issue. All you have to do is promise not to bad-mouth us once it’s all over. are TO Be US! BE AN EDITOR! We're gonna pick two. Being an editor means you have ultimate say over everything in this magazine, and hence the world! You will choose the writers, assign columns, oversee design, edit the whole thing and get very litte in return. To enter: Critique any one article in a 1992 issue of Sassy (don’t be afraid to hurt our feelings—we’'re used to it). Also send two articles you've had published in a school or local paper and proof of any edit- ing experience (for school papers, internships, zines, etc.). Send to: Be an Editor. BE AN ART DIRECTOR! Two lucky souls will be chosen to design the entire mag, help choose photographers, locations and illustrators, and spend !2 to |3 hours at a time in front of our MACs. To enter: Redesign one feature, fashion or beauty story and two columns from this issue. Go wild. Must be MAC-proficient. Send to: Be an Art Director. BE A FASHION EDITOR: We need just one. You will help choose reader models, photogra- phers, hair & makeup artists, as well as all the clothes featured in the issue. To enter: Tell us which are your two fave Sassy fashion stories ever and why. Also include ideas for three fashion stories, how you would photo- graph iustrate them, how many models you would use and how you would style (be winter/holiday specific since this is for the December issue). Send to: Be a Fashion Editor. BE A BEAUTY EDITOR! We need only one of these too. Besides choosing reader models, photogs and hair & makeup artists, you will be writing all the beauty copy in the issue. To enter: Tell us which are your two favorite Sassy beauty stories ever and why. Also write a beauty story and include ideas for how to illustrate. Send to: Be a Beauty Editor. BE A WRITER! You'll get one story published and/or write some columns. To enter: Submit a feature story that’s 4 to 10 double-spaced, typed pages and so flawless it’s ready to be published. It can be about politics, a celebrity, guys, friends, health issues. You can also include one or two samples of stuff you've had published in school or local papers or zines. Send to: Be a Writer. BE A MODEL! We'll need 10 in all. To enter: Send two nonreturnable photos (one headshot, one full-length). Include name, phone number, address, age, height and clothing and shoe sizes on the back of the pics. Send to: Be a Model. BE A HAIR & MAKEUP ARTIST! We'll choose two or three. To enter: Send a few nonreturnable photos of your highly original hair & make- up expertise, as practiced on friends or animals (joke). On the back of each write your name, address, phone number and age. Send to: Be a Hair & Makeup Artist. BE A PHOTOGRAPHER! We want a few of you guys, and one of you will shoot the December cover. Oh, the glory. To enter: Send a few of your nonreturnable photographs—b/w or color—with name, phone number and address on back. Send to: Be a Photographer. BE AN ILLUS- TRATOR! Compulsive doodlers, here’s an outlet. To enter: Choose a fiction story from any Sassy and re-illustrate it. Also send nonreturnable examples of your most awesome work with name, address and phone num- ber on the back. Send to: Be an Illustrator. TO BE ANYTHING: All entries must include your name, phone number, address and age and be postmarked by May 19. If you dare. Send to your specific “Be a...” c/o Sassy, 230 Park Ave., New York, NY 10169. We will let you know who the chosen few are by June 20, so please don’t call, as we'll call you. See ya. All entries and materials become the property of Sassy and will not be returned or acknowledged. Selection of editors will be made or overseen by the current staff of Sassy based upon the material submitted. Those selected must consent to the use of their names, photos and work for editorial, public relations, promotional and advertising purposes by Sassy. All rights, includ- ing copyrights and publication rights to the work, will belong to Sassy. Selectees must sign a statement confirming these rights, as well as an affidavit and release. AMERICAN MODEL SEARCH only fulfill your dream, but to help in the fight against AIDS at the same time. Sound too amazing? Read on. The models on this page all started within our organization and are now jet- setting all over the globe, working in Tokyo, Milan, Paris and New York City! Sound pretty cool? Well . . . you can do it, too! “And how is that?” you ask? It’s easy as pie. Check it out: First of all, if you enter now, we'll donate a portion of your entrance fee to the CHILDREN’S AIDS CENTER OF THE CHILDRENS HOSPITAL in Los Angeles, California. Very cool. > 15 semitina ists will be awarded complete makeovers and photo shoots by top make-up artists and fashion photographers from Milan. > 5 finalists will receive photo shoots zed cards, as well as modeling contracts with Fashion LA Models, Hollywood. > 2 grand-prize winners (one male, one female) will be taking an all-expenses-paid trip to compete at the International Model and Talent Association convention to be held in New York City, where they will meet with and be seen by over 100 of the world’s top agents! THIS COULD BE YOUR BIG CHANCE! DON'T MISS IT! HERE'S ALL YOU NEED TO DO: @ Be 14 years of age or older. ® Complete the entry form on this page. © Enclose 2 or more non-returnable photos of any size. They can be black & white or color, but make sure there's one full-length and one headshot. Oh, and skip the make-up . . . we want to see you. © Enclose a check or money order for $25.00 (processing fee) in U.S. currency payable to American Model Search. © No entry form? That's OK; just put the following info down on a piece of paper: name, address, phone #, age, weight, height, and signature. Got it? Now, enclose your 2 photos and check or money order for $25 and you're stylin’! @ Send it all by July 1, 1992 to: AMERICAN MODEL SEARCH 6533 HOLLYWOOD BLVD., SUITE 400A, HOLLYWOOD, CA 90028 All finalists will be notified by mail by July 15th, 1992. And fret not if you're not selected; you may still be chosen to be an American Model! WIN $25,000 IN CASH AND PRIZES | Sponsored by: John Robert Powers, Sacramento and Fashion L.A. Model Agency, Hollywood ENTRY FORM NAME: ADDRESS: PHONE #: AGE: SIGNATURE: WEIGHT: HEIGHT: S I f° NN S by dana linett taurus (april 20 to may 20) IMAGE: Totally together, earthy, gentle WHO YOU’LL BE: Zoo- keeper, interior designer, bond trader OBSESSIONS: Saving money, getting respect, artsiness REPULSIONS: Loud parties, impatience, manipulative people WHY YOU’RE NOT PERFECT: Yow re a stubborn ox WHO YOU LIKE: Pisces, Capricorn WHO YOU LOVE: Leo, Cancer WHO TO AVOID: Scorpio, Libra LUCKI- EST DAY OF THE YEAR: Dec. 23 FAMOUS TAURUSES: Charlotte Bronté, Maicolm X, Cher, Harper Lee, Tori Spelling, Stephen Baldwin, Janet THIS MONTH: Finally, ruts no more. A control freak may get bossy around the 10th. Exercise is mandatory on the lith. On the [3th watch what you eat—huri alert. Crankifying challenges await on the 14th; try to face them graciously. You’re a brain goddess on the 19th, so place nose in book. On the 30th don’t make a decision lightly. Day to Savor: 3rd. Cross Off Your Calendar: 29th. QeMIN1 may 21 to june 21) Curiosity enlivens the month—follow your schnoz. On the 2nd stop flapping yer lips long enough to exercise yer ears. You get a tad emotional on the 5th—go ahead, wail. Don’t turn down any invitations on the | 5th, when you’re a social but- terfly. Get organized on the | 6th. The 22nd’s perfect for some major cozy action with the one you adore. Day to Savor: 4th. Cross Off Your Calendar: | 8th. CanC@l (june 22 to july 22) Extra helpings of peace and serenity for you this month. Stay in and enjoy domestic bliss on the 2nd and | 3th. Avoid travel on the |7th—major spat potential. On the 2Ist (finally) move it off the couch and get busy. Love on the 30th is effortless, so just stand there and enchant. Day to Savor: 6th. Cross Off Your Calendar: 20th. leo (july 23 to aug. 22) Mucho obstacles this month, but you’ll pull through. Worrywart tendencies surface on the 2nd. On the 8th bask in the stuff Leo dreams are made of: atten- tion and more attention. You may want to act out the ugly green thingie on the l6th, but curb that coveting. Hang with friends on the 2Ist, when sociability may lead to loftier things. Stay outdoors on the 27th—frolic on a grassy knoll. Day to Savor: 9th. Cross Off Your Calendar: 22nd. VIIQ0 (aug. 23 to sept. 22) Self-esteem is way high this month—you be glowin’. Start a long-term health kick on the 2nd. Your nervous Nellie side emerges on the 4th. The 19th may bring love with a Capricorn catch. Mood ring reading for the 25th: deep blue (serene and groovy). You’re due for a present on the 29th. Day to Savor: 20th. Cross Off Your Calendar: 22nd. libra (sept. 23 to oct. 22) Not a swinging love month, sorry to say. A tiff on the 6th may be your fault, Selfishia. Visit a disco inferno on the | 3th, when the stars call for hot rhythmic pleasure. You react James Dean-ily to authority on the I8th. The 22nd finds you intellectually astounding. Trust psychic flashes on the 28th. Day to Savor: 12th. Cross Off Your Calendar: 26th. SCOIPIO (oct. 23 to nov. 21) Love is splendid all month long, lucky dog. The 3rd has you falling for a respon- sible Taurus male. Stay in on the 6th and make some soup for the family. Loneliness on the 8th ain’t no big thang—it’ll pass. You are magnetic on the [Oth and may pull in a real babe. The great outdoors is what you need on the 27th. Day to Savor: I 5th. Cross Off Your Calendar: 2nd. 82 may Sassy Sagittarius (nov. 22 to dec. 21) A month of hyperness. On the |0th go ahead and rag. On the I Ith keep pocket money pocketed. Good news of a familial nature hits on the 18th. Your song for the 24th? “Il Can’t Get No Satisfaction’ —sing loud to release tension. Flirt on the 26th—he may prove to be a steady Freddy. Dive into social scenes on the 3lst. Day to Savor: |7th. Cross Off Your Calendar: 4th. CapIiCOIMN (dec. 22 to jan. 19) You are now entering the realm of available babes—capitalize. Recognition’s easy to come by on the 2nd. Spend some mushy alone-time with lovah boy on the 6th. A 24-hour outbreak of the daggies may strike on the 8th—just hang in there. Your intuition hits bull’s-eye on the 19th. Moolah finds you on the 22nd. Day to Savor: 20th. Cross Off Your Calendar: 7th. aguUallUS (jan. 20 to feb. 18) The times they are a-changin-—don’t get left behind. Play up your hot mama aura on the 1|0th. Ask for advice before making a decision on the I5th. You'll wanna be a rebel on the |6th—just don’t do anything stupid. A crisis on the 26th may be parental. Day to Savor: 22nd. Cross Off Your Calendar: 8th. DISCES (feb. 19 to march 20) Don’t juggle too much at once now. Help a needy friend on the 6th. Insecurity pays a visit on the 9th, but it’ll be a short stay. The |6th’s your day to be lazy and romantic; swing in a hammock drinking something iced. You need a reality check on the 17th. Do something health-related and political on the 24th—AlDS volunteering? Day to Savor: 26th. Cross Off Your Calendar: | 0th. all@S (march 21 to april 19) It’s follow-through month: time to finish crochet- ing that attractive beach cover-up. Good news may surprise you on the 7th. You'll be mighty energetic on the 8th, so plan to stay active. Patience ain’t your virtue on the | 2th. Your bossy shtick will be well received (rare instance) on the |7th. Day to Savor: 24th. Cross Off Your Calendar: | 3th. ILLUSTRATION: KAREN CALDICOTT ASTROLOGICAL DATA PROVIDED BY JEAN PASCHKE ~~ mwans ILLUSTRATION: KAREN CALUIVY:. ‘ul SPUBIGWE| 26610 “69010 WW ‘Jeulled “ol It’s the comfort of a smooth cardboard applicator with a rounded tip. It’s called the Tampax® Comfort Shaped Applicator Tampon. For some very comfort- ing reasons. The smooth cardboard applicator has a denibonnmndietlatiasileh =—eabeentate makes itextracomfortable | = and easy to insert. It’s shaped like a plastic applicator, but it’s made of cardboard, so it’s flushable and biodegradable. All of which makes Tampax® Comfort Shaped Applicator Tampons a very comfortable choice, indeed. For a free sample of Tampax® Tampons, write to TAMPAX® Tampons, PO Box 4138, Monticello, MN 55565-4188. CAT THIS wn There's always spaghetti, but here are i | home kookier options: 1 Ch. pasta of your choice 2 ewp plus 4 thip. olive oil 2 whole cloves gartic SS ai See ak = SS OS TR Since this is Mother’s Day month (remember 1/2 red anion, diced when you’d ask, “Why isn’t there a Children’s 1 bulb. £ 0 thinby sliced J Day?” and a teacher/parent/random adult would answer, “Every day is Children’s Day!’?), | spent 1 yellow and 1 red bell some time with my favorite mother—Fran—to pepper, diced, seeds and. work out a recipe with a spring theme. Fran is onte: oh lol | not only my favorite mom, she’s also my favorite | cook—adaptable too. | have three sisters and Ya Uh. fresh green beans one brother, all of whom wanted it their way. 1/3 eup pine nuts, toasted in a 275 oven in shallow. | Me, | like my food plain and simple. The cool LP aad : thing about pasta primavera is that it’s easily adjustable; it’s gentle enough for the weakest chopped seallions, parsley and/or red pepper flakes to. taste palate, but the adventurous eater can go loco. Learning to cook from Fran is almost impossi- Put a minimum of 4 quarts of cold water into. a large pot. Add 2 ble. She’s just such a natural that she can’t tip. of salt. Bring water to a rolling boil. Throw in the pasta and explain what she does. Every recipe starts with a “nice amount of olive oil” and browning the itir with a long-andled spoon or fork. Cook, stirring cecasionally, garlic “nicely, nicely.” When you ask for mea- until pasta is ab dente (literally, “to. the tooth”), meaning firm in the surements, it’s always “about 2 tablespoons” but ho, cul “+ t—in off ; in reality is more ike half a cup. Don’t worry: | we Fee ah te sibabeienae ar + Sn the meantime, braown the garlic “nicely, nicely” over medium heat included lots of specifics for this recipe (it’s so easy you can’t screw it up, anyway). It serves five. in 1/2 ewp oltue oil with tome salt and fresh pepper to. taste (watch OF ONES carefully—qgartic cooks quickly and loses ith flavor if auer- cooked), Drain the pasta well and pour inte a large sewing Gowl. Then toss with the garlic and oil, At this point you can remove the garlic (which is what 9 do, but Tracy the Garlic Queen wouldn't dare). Now, in a heavy skillet over high heat, quickly wtirfryy the chopped veggies in 4 thap. of olive oil until tender-critp. Toss vegetables with pasta and sprinkle with toasted pine nuts. Add tome parsley, chopped scallions and/or red pepper flakes if you are to inclined. That's the (Pastina, which is very tiny, delicate pasta, is best with just peas and fresh diced tomatoes.) But steer clear of spinach, eggplant and zucchini— Fran stays they give pasta a bitter PHOTOGRAPHY: DORA HANDEL Okay, you're down a few games. So what? Your hair still looks great. SM Bold Hold. ‘eep your hair looking its best with Bold r products from Alberto Culver. Choose spritz, Hold ne | A = \ a A styling spray, power curl booster, or spray gel. All in new, bigger, bonus sizes, all sale priced at $1.77 ea. The 5% Ti. bates a quality you need, tne price you want. On sale April 26 - May 9, 1992, at all U.S.A. Kmart stores.